Tuesday, July 23, 2013

dVerse: Brain Mapping

dVerse: OpenLinkNight — Week 106




tick tick tick tick tick
don't move for six minutes
the clock in the other room
feels like drum beats
and i'm supposed to be calm
nothing to tune out the
tick tick tick
try to focus on another sound
traffic outside
tick tick tick tick tick tick
the more i try
the louder it gets
"4 minutes to go"
TICK TICK TICK TICK
wanting to leap from the chair
fling open the door
and smash the bloody clock
that i had moved from the room
before we began
because i could hear it 
the first session
and almost went nuts
brain mapping
to treat my oversensitivity to sounds
TICKKKK TICKKKK TICKKKK
finally it's over
trying to reach for my iphone
and ear buds to drown out the sound
the sensor on my ear 
pulls me back into my seat
GET THIS STUFF OFF OF ME
i don't scream or even whisper
"next time can i listen to my music
while you do this?"
yessssssssssssssssss


Three sessions of brain mapping needed for neurofeedback sessions to hopefully treat my extrasensory hearing and other things that make me eek.

35 comments:

  1. geeez....that sounds quite overwelming to sit there in silence for 6 minutes listening to that clock...like water torture...dripdripdrip....

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    1. That's exactly what I told my husband Brian, Brian ;-O Water torture. Eegads. lol

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  2. oh heck...certain sounds can drive one mad... glad you can listen to your music next time and hope the treatment is successful as well

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    1. Thanks, Claudia. Some ppl have misophonia and I might but really can't distinguish between that and leftover PTSD crap. It's neurological. People who have misophonia go nuts in the world trying to avoid certain sounds. Ipod/iPhone has been my saving grace in many situations. It started in high school. When I was a therapist, I could hear colleague's phone vibrate in the next office. ha

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  3. I relate to this through my daughter: she has cerebral palsy and a neurological condition that makes her hearing hypersensitive. If this is a true story please write me at ihatepoetry@verizon.net and let me know how well its working.

    Great poem, by the way - Mosk

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    1. I saw a preteen-ish boy with I think cerebral palsy leaving the office as I got there yesterday. I will certainly let you know. Anything that can power down that hypersensitivity is good. Does music work for her? I mean tune out with ipod and earphones? I also carry earplugs with me when trapped and too loud for music. And thank you, Mosk.

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    1. Thanks for reading. dVerse helped me to express this stuff creatively. I'm a run-on sentence kind of person and very sensory ;-O

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  5. Wow Maggie~I am in the mental health field as well and I can't imagine how hard it would be with misophonia. I wonder if you hear your client's breathing, especially if in a heightened anxiety situation. As I read this poem, I thought of how I watch the clock when I'm waiting in the waiting room to hear how my cat scan looks. I'm a cancer survivor and have scans every 6 months. Every time I am a mess as I await the results. Great writing Maggie.

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    1. When I was a therapist (before disability in '07), I was really focused on my client and the occasional sound I did hear outside the office usually didn't bother me. I have a long story :( Am glad you are beyond cancer but understand that horrid waiting for results. At least results are hours usually now instead of days. Thank you for the writing compliment!

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  6. ..I'm partly deaf at the moment! so sounds are very relevant in my life!...hope that you get over this.

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    1. "at the moment"...hoping it is temporary. My husband is deaf in one ear and lost hearing in other. We were together 12 yrs before he got hearing aids and recently lost the one for the worst ear. So we are exact opposites on that sense. The neurofeedback is a long term treatment but am hopeful. Thank you.

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  7. Time can pass so slowly during thoses tests. I have Meniere's Disease and have endured many like that.

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    1. Meniere's Disease I know can cause such misery. I hope there is treatment that alleviates it. Am not familiar with tests and options though...just symptoms through someone I knew with it. Now that I can listen to my tunes list, I shouldn't have to deal with external "only dogs can hear it" sounds.

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    1. Thank you for reading, Ayala. It was tense but writing about it in this manner helped a lot!

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  9. Pretty interesting experience both for you and the reader.>KB

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  10. The wonder of love and modern medicine combined to spread goodness. Matters of the mind can be most mystifying. Wonders of therapy at its best. Thanks for sharing Maggie!

    Hank

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  11. I hope the therapy helps, Maggie.

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  12. I have a friend getting certified in Neurofeedback. Hope it worked. It sounds like it was a little torturous.

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    1. It's long term, Myrna, and I'm right at the beginning. It was six minutes during two sessions but fixed now. It's my life though. In normal circumstances I'd just listen to my music but couldn't move. Torturous for a few minutes...yes. Wanted to jump out of my skin. Just ironic that that's why I am there.

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  13. I can relate-- my friends once called me Dr. Shhhh because all sounds drove me bananas. I good 3 years on the mountains helped that out :) The best of luck in finding your peace, Jason

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  14. Maggie this was be more than annoying, I felt the anxiety as I read. I cannot sleep in the same room as a clock..I need silence.

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    1. I actually sleep with a white noise machine to block out the little sounds. Hubby used to snore horribly but he stopped. Maybe my "training" him to reposition his head and neck helped. Am so thankful it stopped. I was ready to volunteer to have eardrums removed. lol

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  15. Certain sounds can drive me nuts like the ticking of the clock in our room ~ Hope the therapy helps you ~

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    1. Remove the clock and go digital, Grace! I only have digital cuz I can hear ticking from a wristwatch. Thank you...hope it helps too.

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  16. This does sound really overwhelming! Hope you find your way---

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  17. Thanks to all for reading and commenting if I didn't make individual response. Thoughts much appreciated!

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  18. A rathe Poe-like picture, Maggie -- torturesome! Glad it's over, and thanks for sharing the experience with us.

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  19. 2Toooh! Loves Apples Loves !Toooh2

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  20. Maggie, that must be disturbing. I don't much like the sound of ticking clocks either. I hope your therapy helps.

    Pamela

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  21. and lo the ticking of the clock sent our maiden into shock, drowning out her rock to the ticking of the clock! Good writing.

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  22. So many visits and comments! Thank you, all. Again, please forgive my lack of reading others' writing. Having dizzy/headache/eye issues. I do try to visit a few each time. Just know how much I love the flock that has gathered here ♥

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