Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Friday, December 27, 2013

CD: Suddenly One

Carpe Diem ~ Special #69

Hando´s 5th `caught by the call`

Write a new haiku in the same tone, sense and spirit as the one by Hando.

caught by the call
of the flowers and mountain, I forget
how steep the path is

(c) Hando

My inspired haiku: 

 suddenly one
alone in nature's wonder
long trek forgotten

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Christmas Eve 2013

home alone by choice
to allow sadness and vulnerability
to surface as it must
realize it is the first time
i have been feeling good until last night
when the trauma-related feelings hit
but the sadness is not consuming me

it is not me down in the pit
it is me realizing the sadness
is another emotion
and it doesn't need to be alone
it has support from stronger feelings
it doesn't own me any longer

the guilt of staying home seems odd
since great sadness, especially tonight,
usually had me feeling nothing else
except anxiety
now i can hold all emotions
and just notice, acknowledge
let them co-exist
likely what most know as normal

i am truly one

Monday, December 23, 2013

Christmas 2013

my nightmares of christmas
now in the land of severed memories
the vision of my unknown life
put upon a mental shelf
though validation is nice
in a painful sort of way

this december of christmas movies,
joy of lights, music, and puppy
very different and welcome
yet overwhelmed with
fatigue and thoughts of 
adding tissue to gift bags
just let me sleep

a quiet holiday
for mind and body
the greatest gift
a first time peace and calm
unafraid of opening gifts
that contain body parts
the selves who knew 
safely tucked within the whole

the life that was
no longer the priority
lingering thoughts 
within acceptable limits
your laughter the
sound of the season 

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Saturday, December 14, 2013

dVerse: Light of My Life

dVerse: Poetics ~ Candles & Lights

in youth the menorah
was special
great grandmother with lace
on her head
said the hebrew prayer
moving her hands so gracefully
grandmother's house felt safe
both are gone now
and i pray for no trauma connections

shamed if we asked 
for christmas lights
but chanukah never carried out
to be special at home
wherever home was
that year

a few trees with lights
and glitter
in adult life
but it never felt special
i gave up trying
and found it happier
avoiding any ceremony

withdrawn from religion
as soon as i had choice
even in marriages
christmas felt sad
during 12-year courtship
with current husband
we had lovely bear tree
several years
but my heart still felt
heavy even with the loveliness 
and we stopped

full understanding now
of no connection or avoidance
of christmas
and loving the season spirit
this year though no lights 
or fuss with puppy
but the light in our eyes
and in our hearts
the play of the moon
on the snow-blanketed earth
is christmas and beauty enough

Friday, December 13, 2013

dVerse: Mother Tongue

dVerse: Meeting the Bar

i have no mother tongue
i'm not sure my mother was my bio mother
we moved frequently
so i have no particular dialect
i know words from several languages
and subconsciously spoke several

my life would be an unbelievable
movie of the week
raised by post war Nazis
brought into the US
by our own govt
except i knew them in Germany
before I could speak
and knew German commands
simultaneously with English

fear was my language
my first poetry
from second grade
speaks of death and graves
likely a red flag in today's society
but had that been my red flag
it would have meant
fear of death if i ever wrote again
so thank goodness no one noticed

poetry and images to accompany it
were my escape
from my unknown split selves
and became insight into my life
when i awoke from amnesia
in my forties
my words, my feelings on paper
that was my only reality
even if i didn't quite get the reality

mid forties to sixty was healing
sixty-one mostly healed
without all memory
same words coming out
in different ways
but still they come
new words like "puppy"
add new life
create new memories

grateful for a place to share 
where my past no longer matters
but the words that go with it 
are accepted without judgment
i'm an aberration
finding my way late in life
with new love and new family
finally embracing this holiday
we know as Christmas
my first holiday detached
from the fear it once meant

my first season of enjoying
holiday movies and
Christmas specials
and decorations
wishing all the dVerse family
a holiday of peace and
treasured memories


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

dVerse: Chew Toy

dVerse: OpenLinkNight

of all the things
i've ever been
known and unknown
the one thing i hadn't been
was a chew toy
yet that's what i've become
to our new puppy

advice abounds
about how to stop
puppy biting
brace the neck
tweak the nose
hold finger under her tongue

regardless of technique
as soon as i release my hold
she lunges at me
sometimes i'm a sheep
to be herded
and i have the bruises
on my calves to prove it

friday comes the dog trainer
to train me
to be alpha dog
my energy is off
nothing i do works
am hoping this
dog whisperer can help

my birthday christmas puppy
makes me laugh every day
and is a wonderful joy when sleepy
her tazmanian devil side
when she zips around in circles
at the speed of light
is fun until she lunges

all i want for christmas
is for my puppy to understand
"no bite"
and continue to be her sweet
sassy feisty self
preferring toys instead of
my flesh and blood

Photo by Brian Beam

Monday, December 9, 2013

CD: Unknown Angel

Carpe Diem ~ Hando's "Footprints in the Sand"

Write a haiku in the same sense, tone, and spirit as this one:

footprints in the sand
to here and there and nowhere
and the gull flying

(c) Hando

My inspired haiku:

reflect on broken life
you carried me so many times
then unknown angel


Saturday, December 7, 2013

dVerse: She Shatters Self

dVerse: Poetics ~ Alice

Alice falls into a hole
and several of her land
one too small
one too tall
true blue pinafore...just right

one way through the looking glass 
i say she shatters self
and off she goes
several ways at once
in search of "this way out"

along the way she meets
a scattered hare too late
a cat with hookah high on quips
a knight in full daylight

joined at tea by hedgehogs
and other hedgerow critters
comes the odd Mad Hatter
of all the ones in wonderland
he's the one who seems to matter

though he might be mad
he leads her back
through the looking glass
where one cannot truly see
back home she finds herself
but does she have the

(This doesn't flow well and my brain just isn't working. My main thought was that Alice split when she landed but returned home whole again...similar to my path in life.)

CD: Poppies & Lavender

Carpe Diem ~ Ashes

life to death to ash
sprinkle me among poppies
and lavender
south of france or italy
to dance ever after

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

CD: Living Our Dreams

Carpe Diem #340 ~ ''Beautiful Dreams''


Photo by Grace Beam, Cinque Terre, Italy

some only imagine
dreams we have lived together
beauty of europe

CD: Listening

Carpe Diem #65

Hando''s ''Listening With Another'' 


Write a haiku in the same sense, tone, and spirit as this one by Hando:

listening with another
to the music of the mountain stream;
there is no other

(c) Hando 

My attempt:

watching him listen
to the sounds of nature
my soul soars

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

dVerse: Bumps in the Road

dVerse ~ OpenLinkNight

my world changing
zap by zap
opening up new avenues of joy
a christmas spirit to embrace
instead of repel
mind relaxing
body having issues
joints swollen for a week
but should subside soon
(due to a new medication)

hobbling along
is not how i want to be
moving more with puppy
is supposed to be healthy
not hurt so much
feel like i'm being bitchy
when i point out the problems
"my puppy" means my job mostly
and don't want husband
to be disappointed

disability equals feelings of guilt
for finance contributions
struggling right now but didn't know it
found out by accident
married less than a year
must maneuver the issues
in a healthy way
laughter, love, and puppy
pave the path we mostly traverse
the bumps in the road
my achillles heel

CD: Celtic Path

Carpe Diem ~ Crann Na Beatha (Tree of Life)

Celtic Music by Adrian von Ziegler

travel celtic path
magical mystery tour
faeries and dragons


tree of life
sometimes with gnarled branches
leads us to ourselves


Sunday, December 1, 2013