Thursday, July 25, 2013

CD: Invisible Guidance

Carpe Diem #255 ~ Intuition



inner wisdom
intuition with a name
correcting my path

***

the way 
she reaches for her phone 
before it rings

I don't know if this second one qualifies for a one line haiku or not. It just didn't seem to need more than this thought to portray intuition. Feedback please. 


 

11 comments:

  1. I like both your haiku Maggie. That second haiku can be read as a One-Line haiku: "the way she reaches for her phone before it rings" it sounds smooth and is very clear in it's image I would say. Thank you Maggie for sharing these with us. It;s a joy to read your haiku an to see that you're growing in this wonderful haiku poetry.

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  2. Both are great, but the second one shows that you are growing in haiku like Kristjaan says.

    It's an excellent example of showing and not telling.

    More! More! More!

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    1. PS. I just noticed your note at the bottom requesting feedback. LOL.

      Yes, it most certainly can be a one line haiku. It reads as a complete sentence, though, and that is frowned upon in literati circles, but they break that rule all the time.

      In general, though, I recommend putting a seasonal or nature word in that poem to break the sentence and create the fragment and the phrase.

      This is just my personal taste which sticks close to the style of poems being published in haiku journals.

      Again, that's just my personal taste. Others prefer the sentence.

      The wonderful thing about writing is that YOU get to decide your own style.

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  3. The second one is perfect just the way it is. Since it falls into the "human nature" category (meaning it's a senryu), no seasonal/nature word is needed. Great job with a difficult prompt!

    Intuition

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  4. they both work well for me, Maggie, nice!

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  5. Wow you really nailed intuition, especially in the second one! It reads well in one or three lines to my ear. Bravo! Keep writing!

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  6. I like the three-line version as well. The line breaks allow the poem to build so the last line finishes the thought.

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  7. Excellent Grace, you certainly made the right call on that second one ;)

    Intuition

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    1. *giggling*. Reading as I'm waking up with SAD light, hubby bringing me espresso, and listening to fav music. Thank you!

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  8. Very good takes on the prompt.
    The phone one...do that often.
    Peace
    Siggi

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