Thursday, July 25, 2013

dVerse: Boxes of Me

dVerse: List Poetry




cleaning out the attic of my mind
that was stored in trunks and boxes:
collages of horror that once had no meaning,
memories in magazine pages pieced together,
three hole punched random pages
"borrowed" from a binder now unknown,
rows of binders cataloging mind images
and messages,
the undone jigsaw puzzles of what was my life.
art therapy still without meaning
though i healed without the knowing.
pages torn from magazines
in doctors' offices and waiting rooms
that one time meant something
but never went with anything else.
page after page i rifle through
tossing many into the trash.
but the plastic folders meant to keep
where memories became as clear as the folder
they were slipped in.
now in retrospect
watching my pieced together past
in piles on the floor
am finally able to let some go.
where before
any scrap of paper with words or numbers
(now no longer any meaning)
could not be released.
drawings and scribbles
and numerology ad infinitum,
colorful scraps of nothingness (now)
at one time essential to my being.


27 comments:

  1. what intriguing things you found...the jigsaw puzzle, torn out magazine pages, things that once meant something, were essential, that still clutter our minds...its good when you get to that point you can start letting some go...

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    1. First again :) When I read to my Brian, he said, "that about wraps it up". The first box I'm wading through is hat box size but square. So heavy I couldn't lift it. A beginning. Thanks for reading!

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  2. I like the art therapy & undone jigsaw puzzles ~ I think I threw out most of my junk when we migrated here to Canada ~ I can relate to being able to let go (of those papers) finally ~

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  3. glad the pieces are no longer needed.

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  4. There a point in life when we do this, on multiple levels. In a few of my poems I've alluded to the fact that I'm now going through and destroying 30-40 year old journals. It's and experience that's freeing, cathartic and painful all at the same time--a letting go. Good luck as you move on, and thanks for sharing this. It's affirming, I think.

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  5. It is good to let go sometimes... a true to heart creation. Lovely writing.. :-)

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  6. Wow--a liberating and frightening place to be in. I'm going more with he freeing aspects of this!

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  7. Ah...I am so familiar with this particular list, I could have written the poem myself! Good poem, if not just a tad frightening, to me at least, and I'm sure you can relate...

    http://leapingelephantenterprizes.blogspot.ca/2013/07/pages-of-sorrow_25.html

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  8. Thanks for sharing your list and your process with us. I have had to rid myself of things too. I think the things like you mentioned specifically saving are the hardest kinds of things to get rid of, as obviously they had some big meaning at one time. It is cathartic though, I think, and when one finally makes the step to throw these unneeded remnants of past away there is a sense of relief.

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    1. I have so many boxes and even a Bombay trunk filled with what spilled out of my amnesia. Anything that no longer has meaning or won't be helpful by keeping it is going. The neurofeedback treatments I'm starting may cause new memories or pieces of old memories to surface so I do need reference since I've forgotten most of what I've remembered...like that made sense. Anyway, it is a relief to be able to let go, especially those little notes that I was so attached to upon until recently. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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  9. I have this crazy system where I cleanse, rebox, store and repeat, year after year. I've whittled away, a bit at a time, a small box here, meaningless scraps (that I had somehow thought would be important someday)--and yet the very process is so important! Nice write ~peace, Jason

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  10. Since I retired 3 years ago, I have been able to sort through my boxes thoroughly, and found high school poetry, grade cards, autograph books; & the 4 times I returned to college left me with several hundred pounds of "salient" notes, journals, diaries, and the recycle bin at my home was filled to capacity for months; out, out damned paper, damned thoughts, lost dreams, broken hearts--but I couldn't throw out my two unpublished novel manuscripts, and did wipe the years of dust off them.

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  11. last 2 lines, awesome ending

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  12. It's hard to let go but so good when we do, a great take on the prompt.

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  13. art therapy still without meaning
    though i healed without the knowing.

    I really relate to those lines! Well stated.

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    1. Thank you, Kristy! My art collages were probably more important in reclaiming my life and memory than the talk therapy. Generally we worked with my art. Some I see some recognition, others are dead on right, and some are still "huh?". But it helped me document and process memory fragments. Guess there are other circumstances where healing happens without really knowing answers...

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  14. Sometimes it is hard to let things go, and sometimes it is just time to release and dispose of them. Your words have captured the ambivalence of the situation really well.

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  15. it's very cool to go through the things of the past and sort them - and in the process finding it's time to let go of some of the things that may have served as crutches but are not needed anymore cause you manage to walk without them - i think it's a moment of liberation as well - very cool maggie

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    1. Yes, it's time. Thank you, Claudia.

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  16. In life we accumulate not only the physical but the mental- I wish you well Maggie on your path to sort out what is important and needed, whether 3 hole punch randomness or colourful scraps of nothingness.x

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  17. Yes, isn't it strange that some things that once meant so much are now difficult to piece together. Significance can be tied to the moment--letting go is a wonderful feeling. A powerfully emotional write.

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  18. Talking with a friend last week they have an attic full of boxes just like yours and no memory of what is in them. They of course can open them and remember them. You just have decide if you want to keep anything :) Smiles.
    When I moved in with my partner he had a huge cellar completely filled. It took us weeks of going to the tip every day to empty it. The feeling when it was done and cleaned and shelves and wine racks put up was exhilarating. The clean out of my own home and keeping only what I really wanted was also therapeutic. Good luck with yours x

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  19. Love the jigsaw puzzle image. I think you must have been inside my head (or seen my desk)...sigh...wonderful and thoughtful. Thank you.

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  20. Thanks to all for visiting and commenting. Love the discussion that happened :)

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  21. letting go is a process and it remains with us not as a bad memory but as an experience that life moves on. Very layered and I liked you using paper cuttings as a metaphor

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  22. Did American Indians have lists?

    Perhaps they scratched it in the sand and had a clean slate each time it rained.

    Building Sand Castles at the beach.

    Silly Silly humans self important memories.

    I watched A Hawk spiraling today never with his list.

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