Sunday, June 30, 2013

CD: Futility

Carpe Diem #235 - Otiosity

when is life futile?
does hope ever flicker out?
how long should we wait?


captive in my mind
without knowing for decades
how futile my life


Saturday, June 29, 2013

CD: Autumn Near (Aki Chikashi)

Carpe Diem #234 

Photo Source

 last blooms of summer
the roses speak of autumn
with fallen petals 


HH: Pyrotechnics

Haiku Heights #260 ~ Firefly

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synchronized fireflies
sunset pyrotechnics show
unending pleasure

dVerse: Cinderella, R.I.P.

dVerse: Poetics ~ It Started With A Mouse

Write a poem/prose using at least one Disney character.

Cinderella, R.I.P.
life was not as said to be
no happily ever afters happened
though several husbands had me maddened

So many times I tried to change
my perspective of life not so deranged
and finally it came to be
I found a life ~ a fait accomplis

Little girls still love their princes
Many learn to kiss the toads
I do hope with all my heart
their lives do more smoothly go

Friday, June 28, 2013

Not My Depression

if depression talked
it would not want you to know
how painful it is
This is not depression talking. It's me talking about my depression. Everything changed mid-May. All was calm internally and externally. I returned home feeling relaxed, different, joyful. Finally, life where it feels like living instead of existing.

A few weeks later, intermittent days of depression of unknown source. I doubted dates of the past would still impact me subconsciously. I didn't rule it out but went along recognizing I felt sad, although it was manageable. No pit to fall into...or to climb out.

Several days of continuous depression and my mind is scanning every possibility. It's been just over two years since my antidepressant switch. I had been advised I need to switch every 18-24 months. That has to be it. I called my psychiatrist and got his permission to lower my current dose until I see him in two weeks, at which time he will start me back on my former antidepressant. In the back of my mind I hear the warning that not all people are able to go back on the same medication. It had been the only one that had ever worked so now I'm praying my body accepts it.

Hours after the phone call to the psychiatrist, I'm napping restlessly writing suicide notes in my mind. I got up and showered. All clean and refreshed except the depression is painful. I want it to

I woke up from my lifelong amnesia at age 44 and fully healed at age 60. Integrated. No more fragmented parts of me. Perhaps it changed my body chemistry. More than likely, the integrated me is not the same age as the body and is hating finally being free but trapped in an aging body with back and knee pain from arthritis along with constant sinus pain. Incurable sinuses from decades of abuse to my sinus cavities which I will not explain further except that I was used...not for experiments. I was used in ways known to work. But it still meant doing things to my body that most people don't have to bear or can even conceive.

Physical pain is not bearable. Dealing with it is causing emotional pain. I thought the healing meant no more constant battles with wanting to be alive. It barely lasted a month. Almost six weeks actually. It was a good few weeks since integration. I was happy. Joy and calm. Sad was doable.

I do not wish to live with this depression battle any longer. I don't have that fight any longer. I won't start on the former antidepressant for about two weeks and then it may take another month for the meds to kick in so I don't feel this way. Can I manage that long? I've lived a pretty good life since 2006 when I moved into my own home. Last year the man I've loved for 12 years became my husband. I can be at peace with death.

life is not living
healed should not be this painful
some entered my life
and made me laugh and feel good
they knew and loved me anyway

Thank you for being in the part of my life that was me making conscious choices and wanting to write and share and be silly. And love. If I leave this world before my intended time, know I was ever so grateful to all who touched my heart.

HMH: Nature's Miracles

Haiku My Heart

Photo by Grace Beam

my heart aflutter
amidst nature's miracles
this wonder called life

Trifextra: Do No Harm

Trifextra: Week Seventy-Four

Trifextra: Week Seventy-Four

Photo Source

Three things about humanity are important. The first is do no harm. The second is do no harm. The third is do no harm.

CD: 'Deeper Darkness'

Carpe Diem's Tan Renga Challenge #4

The first three lines are Björn Rudberg's beautiful haiku. For this challenge, I am to write 2 more lines of 7 syllables each.

after fireworks
the silence is clearer
darkness is deeper

my attempt:

the only sound my breathing
my only light the moonbeams 


Thursday, June 27, 2013

CD: Kikusha-Ni's "The Dusk in Rain"

Carpe Diem #44

Compose a haiku with same feeling and tone as this haiku:

my body all alone
in this autumn I feel -
the dusk in rain

(c) Kikusha-Ni

My inspired haiku:

Photo Source

this dusky rain
my only companion ~
long lonely night 

dVerse: No Child

dVerse:  Listen To This Anaphora

Write a poem using anaphora (a repetitive word or phrase).

Polyvore by Grace Beam

born into hell
born into hands of evil
born into a netherworld
where no child should ever be

born into greed
born into porn
born into torture
what no child should ever see

born into destiny
not of my choice
born into actions
without option of voice

born into fear
but as adult i heal
born to die young
but at that they did fail

FSF: Why Bother?

Five Sentence Fiction: View

Polyvore by Grace Beam

We're born and then we die. What's the point in living? At least that was her view of life. Why bother if it's all for naught anyway? Then she remembered the words she'd heard so long ago: "Don't check out five minutes before the miracle happens."

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Trifecta: What Now?

Trifecta: Week Eighty-Three

Write between 33 and 333 words using the word "rusty" with the following definition:  a) of the color rust; b) dulled in color or appearance by age and use .
3a : of the color rust  
- See more at:
3a : of the color rust  
- See more at:

Photo Source

Jacob was livid being trapped in a windowless room with two strong guards outside the one door. He had only hammered one nail into the body’s foot. The nail was just the beginning, but he was dragged from behind and thrown into solitary confinement.

Jody slowly became aware she was at the emergency room. She focused on the moving lips of the nurse who was speaking to her but sound hadn’t kicked in yet. What now she wondered.

“Do you understand?” asked the nurse.

“Ummm. I’m sorry. I must have zoned out. Can you repeat what you said?”

“How much did you miss?" she asked clearly annoyed.

“All of it?” Jody cringed. She hated when she came in on the middle of something. “Why am I here?”

After a big sigh, the nurse began again speaking loudly and slowly.

“I can hear just fine. I just missed it.” How she hated explaining herself. Was there any way she could avoid saying the dreaded words this time? It was then she felt the pain in her left foot. She nearly passed out when she saw the doctor stitching it up. “What happened?” she shouted in a near panic.

The doctor waved the nurse away seeing her lack of patience and began to speak calmly. “Somehow you drove yourself here and walked in with a rusty nail sticking out of the top of your foot. You are very lucky it missed a major artery. We gave you a tetanus shot. But we still don’t know how you managed to get a nail in the top of your foot. You must have been in shock all this time.”

Jody scanned her mind to find what she last remembered. She was angry at work at her condescending boss after she had just completed the project on time and under budget. She didn’t remember driving home. Melanie must have driven her. But she knew Jacob had driven the nail into her foot. Having multiple personalities sucked.

Words: 331

CD: Half Year's End Festival (Nagoshi)

Carpe Diem #231 

end of hot summer
longer nights ~ cooler air
sweet welcome of fall


celebrate ~ purify
assess your chosen life path
is this the right road?


HH: Cicada Summer

Haiku Heights #259 ~ Crescendo
Carpe Diem #232 - Cicada

Brazilian Cicada

cicada summer
intense evening crescendo
nature's raucous choir

Haiku Heights - Crescendo/Carpe Diem - Cicada

Monday, June 24, 2013

CD: Gion Festival (Gione)

Carpe Diem #230

Photo Source

at the festival
wandering the booths of wares
i lose track of time


to see the parade
fathers hold children up high
memories to keep


people flood the streets
ornate floats parade by me
 don't lose me in crowd


Merge: Halfway Gone

Write at the Merge: Week 26

This week's challenge is to write up to 500 words using Lifehouse's song "Halfway Gone" or a photo of a lighthouse as inspiration. The combination reminded me of a harrowing experience I had when I was maybe 20 years old at The Defense Language Institute in Monterey, CA where I was stationed for nearly a year. I was part of a group of "guys" who hung out together. I think I was their mascot. We were all in the Air Force.

Photo Source

It was a rare quiet weekend day when my four "big brothers" and I got to hang out at the beach in Carmel next to Pebble Beach Golf Course, high on the cliffs to the right of us. Mike decided he wanted to go for a walk so all of us followed. The four guys thought it would be fun to climb around the cliffs. Not wanting to be a spoilsport, I agreed. They were all big and strong and I don't think I was yet 100 pounds. I felt safe with them.

Starting out was innocuous enough. Rocky small hills with a slight incline. Then we turned the corner and I saw the huge cliff walls. Wanting to back out, I was assured many others had done this and there was a path. They lied. I followed their lead; and when I started to panic, two were ahead of me and two behind. We were half way between ocean and golf course. The beach led us to that midway point which was very deceiving until rounding the bend.

I knew the sea lions were on the rocks not too far out; but at one point, I could hear them below. Making the mistake of looking down for the seals, I saw the jagged rocks jutting out of the water directly below us and how sheer the cliff had become. I froze. Literally. Could not would not move. The two ahead of me had solid footing. One held the other as he leaned toward me stretching out his arm urging me to let go with one hand and he would grab me. About that time the rock I was holding onto with my right hand started to slide out of the cliff. I was ready to be rescued by helicopter. Unfortunately, it was in the early 70s long before cell phones. And no one knew where we were.

One of the two trailing me decided he would brace me from behind so I could lean against him. I felt him moving around me. His right hand and foot were secure, but as he reached around me to grab hold of a rock to the left of me, he fell backwards off the cliff. I knew those rocks were below. I screamed so loudly and began to cry with both rocks coming loose in my hands. I was sure I was going to die and was sure Tom had fallen to his death. The guys assured me he was fine but I didn’t believe them and wouldn’t look down. Poor Tom climbed back up from the water to show me he was okay. A guardian angel guided his fall because he didn’t even have a scratch.

I don’t remember much of the rest except somehow they got me from that spot and we climbed up to the golf course as soon as we had a path. I cried the entire way because of sliding rocks. No more rock climbing. Ever. 

Words: 499

Blue: Butterfly House at Smithsonian

Blue Monday

Photo by Grace Beam

butterfly garden
swallowtail rests on flower
perhaps feeling blue

Wisteria Haze

Image from Pinterest

wisteria haze
purple blooms weave landscape
vines climb and entwine
spinning magical canopies
the fragrance of Italy

MWM: Brunate Shrine

Mornings With Mary

Photo by Brian Beam

hiking winding path
Italy hilltop village
a shrine to Mary

This shrine was built into the hillside of a very steep hill in the town of Brunate, Italy. We climbed it in May 2005. Shrines everywhere to Mary throughout Europe.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

CD: Cherry Blossom Love

Carpe Diem Freestyle #1
Sedoka (Love Poem)

My first attempt to write a sedoka, a Japanese love poem with the form of 5-7-7-5-7-7.

Photo Source

cherry blossoms fall
petals landing in your hair
pink snow as you shake your head
i've come to love you
this season of blossoming
your touch says you love me too

CD: Fireworks (Hanabi)

Carpe Diem #229 

sparklers in the sky
rain down on river Edo
children clap for joy


hanabi sky lights
connecting stars with color
fade to twinkling dust


Wordle: Inhumanity

The Sunday Whirl
Wordle 114

complex forest tracks
lead to answers at still edge
mind files lie pale

noxious class of gas
released by uncaring man
leaves inhumane mess

Photo Sources

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Toads: Riders on the Storm

Imaginary Garden With Real Toads 
Sunday Mini Challenge ~ Jim Morrison 

This challenge is to write a poem based a song by Jim Morrison and include the title within the poetry.

Photo Source

the waves of the world
toss and throw our life about
riders on the storm

I began with a longer poem but created a haiku about the favored second stanza in the comments.


CD: Green Paddy (Aota)

Carpe Diem #228 

soul of the farmer
the rice paddies are now green
soon the gathering


wake up to green plants
as far as the eye can see
a sight filled with awe


Friday, June 21, 2013

CD: "The Cool of the Wind" by Kikusha-Ni

Carpe Diem Special #43

Write a haiku with a similar feel and tone as this one written by female haikuist, Kikusha-Ni:

there is nothing
like the cool of the wind in this place
blowing down from Mt. Fuji

My inspired haiku:

Mt. Fuji sunset
the night wind becomes cooler
we huddle for warmth

Photo Source

CD: "The Rainy Season"

Carpe Diem's Tan Renga Challenge #3

Our challenge is to add two 7-syllable lines to the following haiku by Buson, one of the four greatest haiku masters next to Basho, Issa and Shiki:

the rainy season
a paper lantern in hand
I walk along the verandah

My inspired two lines:

wet and shivering from cold
sudden wind snuffs out the light

Trifextra: Not So Lucky

Trifextra: Week Seventy-Three
Trifextra: Week Seventy-Three
Trifextra: Week Seventy-ThreeTrifextra: Week Seventy-Three

Trifextra: Week Seventy-Three

Write exactly 33 words inspired by the phrase "three's a charm."

Her third marriage was supposed to be the charm. Eighteen years into it, when she thought she found her forever love, her world fell apart. He couldn’t handle when she needed him most. 

HH: Coneflower

Haiku Heights #258 ~ Lunch

Photo Source

a bee's sweet treasure
tempting coneflower nectar
butterfly's delight

HMH: Summer In Bloom

Haiku My Heart

birds flutter in bath 
butterfly flits in garden 
summer is in bloom

Thursday, June 20, 2013

OSI: About Face

One Single Impression
Prompt 277: Wrinkle

each line and wrinkle
your story etched over time
the beauty of you 


CD: Evening Lull (Yuunagi)

Carpe Diem #227 

sundown breeze
birds leave the garden
evening lull 


 past midnight
snuggling together
evening lull 

FSF: Sarah's Will

Five Sentence Fiction - Blades

Write a five-sentence story inspired by the word "blades".

Photo Source

Still grieving for her best friend who had died from a rare form of cancer at the age of 27, Phoebe was contacted by the executor of Sarah's Will exactly a year later and given a handwritten letter sealed in an envelope asking that she ride through the Grand Canyon in a helicopter. Sarah had loved hiking and mountain climbing and had fallen in love with the Grand Canyon often saying, when she died, that is where her soul could be found.

Phoebe, a nerd in every respect, was terrified at the thought of flying in a helicopter but felt compelled to carry out her friend's last wishes; and while being buckled into the front seat of the helicopter next to the pilot with the best possible view, she kept eying the lack of a door and how easy it would be to fall to her own death if somehow the safety harness malfunctioned, yet she steeled herself to see this through.

Although a spectacular view, she had a death grip on her seat for the first half of the ride until she forced herself to let go and focus on being one with Sarah if her soul truly was now with her on this flight. At the moment she let go, she saw a raven gliding parallel with the helicopter looking directly into her eyes and Phoebe's fear suddenly evaporated and was replaced with a sense of calm and joy.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

VisDare: The Delicate Balance of Life

VisDare 25: Precarious

Write a 150-word story based on the visual prompt:

Photo Source

She had hated piano lessons. Her older brother Robbie had learned to play and her mother assumed lessons would continue with the next child. After two years of agonizing scales and practice, Niki convinced her mother it was not her cup of tea, although gymnastics was an interest.

By age 10, she was doing backflips, somersaults in midair, and happily competing with the school’s gymnastics team. Her favorite had been the balance beam. Often she would practice walking on any four-inch surface or as narrow a surface as she could find. 

The piano, no longer being used, was moved to the patio in the summer. Niki would annoy her brother by hopping onto the keyboard and walking down the keys.  Now that she was gone, killed by a drunk driver a week before her fifteenth  birthday, Robbie often thought he heard the sound her toes made strolling along the keys.