Confession
La Tonya started her own topic to share a confession. Though many in real life know this about me, this is a brave new world and I've been dipping my toes into the water but never really saying THIS IS ME.
My being aches to scream the truth. I try to fictionalize. I use different names but they are all me. My truth is ugly. People don't want to know such things about our government. It's too evil to hurt children so look the other way. My novel is my real life story with some fiction to fill in the unknown/unproved blanks although many blanks are filled in by researched history. Click click click...it falls into place. My amnesia completing a story that never completely came out of my head, but enough did. And I know so many other survivors of the same or similar program. My life is like a science fiction movie. Everything can be googled. Much is now declassified. But it's still not okay. I am MacKenzie. I am Libby. My f*ther is Elias. I write to be heard...or try to be heard. Haiku has helped me find a place of peace but still the past leaks through even in that form. Will others still want to know me if that is my truth?
I don't know.. I hope so.. But please know you aren't the only one who wonders if people will want to know you if they know your truth.
ReplyDeleteYes, those who matter will. For years I struggled to be who I thought others wanted me to be, and the fear of rejection will have us behaving in ways we know aren't who we are, but we're so desperate for acceptance and approval we put up the facade. Some of our suffering is self-afflicted. When you live in a cruel place, pain is the norm, and you learn to manufacture more pain. Glad to know this is no longer your life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining the meme.
I no longer live a lie but still know its iffy when I let others know. Thank you for encouraging this sharing.
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