Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Friday, December 27, 2013

CD: Suddenly One

Carpe Diem ~ Special #69

Hando´s 5th `caught by the call`

Write a new haiku in the same tone, sense and spirit as the one by Hando.

caught by the call
of the flowers and mountain, I forget
how steep the path is

(c) Hando

My inspired haiku: 

 suddenly one
alone in nature's wonder
long trek forgotten

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Christmas Eve 2013

home alone by choice
to allow sadness and vulnerability
to surface as it must
realize it is the first time
i have been feeling good until last night
when the trauma-related feelings hit
but the sadness is not consuming me

it is not me down in the pit
it is me realizing the sadness
is another emotion
and it doesn't need to be alone
it has support from stronger feelings
it doesn't own me any longer

the guilt of staying home seems odd
since great sadness, especially tonight,
usually had me feeling nothing else
except anxiety
now i can hold all emotions
and just notice, acknowledge
let them co-exist
likely what most know as normal

i am truly one

Monday, December 23, 2013

Christmas 2013

my nightmares of christmas
now in the land of severed memories
the vision of my unknown life
put upon a mental shelf
though validation is nice
in a painful sort of way

this december of christmas movies,
joy of lights, music, and puppy
very different and welcome
yet overwhelmed with
fatigue and thoughts of 
adding tissue to gift bags
just let me sleep

a quiet holiday
for mind and body
the greatest gift
a first time peace and calm
unafraid of opening gifts
that contain body parts
the selves who knew 
safely tucked within the whole

the life that was
no longer the priority
lingering thoughts 
within acceptable limits
your laughter the
sound of the season 

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Saturday, December 14, 2013

dVerse: Light of My Life

dVerse: Poetics ~ Candles & Lights

in youth the menorah
was special
great grandmother with lace
on her head
said the hebrew prayer
moving her hands so gracefully
grandmother's house felt safe
both are gone now
and i pray for no trauma connections

shamed if we asked 
for christmas lights
but chanukah never carried out
to be special at home
wherever home was
that year

a few trees with lights
and glitter
in adult life
but it never felt special
i gave up trying
and found it happier
avoiding any ceremony

withdrawn from religion
as soon as i had choice
even in marriages
christmas felt sad
during 12-year courtship
with current husband
we had lovely bear tree
several years
but my heart still felt
heavy even with the loveliness 
and we stopped

full understanding now
of no connection or avoidance
of christmas
and loving the season spirit
this year though no lights 
or fuss with puppy
but the light in our eyes
and in our hearts
the play of the moon
on the snow-blanketed earth
is christmas and beauty enough

Friday, December 13, 2013

dVerse: Mother Tongue

dVerse: Meeting the Bar

i have no mother tongue
i'm not sure my mother was my bio mother
we moved frequently
so i have no particular dialect
i know words from several languages
and subconsciously spoke several

my life would be an unbelievable
movie of the week
raised by post war Nazis
brought into the US
by our own govt
except i knew them in Germany
before I could speak
and knew German commands
simultaneously with English

fear was my language
my first poetry
from second grade
speaks of death and graves
likely a red flag in today's society
but had that been my red flag
it would have meant
fear of death if i ever wrote again
so thank goodness no one noticed

poetry and images to accompany it
were my escape
from my unknown split selves
and became insight into my life
when i awoke from amnesia
in my forties
my words, my feelings on paper
that was my only reality
even if i didn't quite get the reality

mid forties to sixty was healing
sixty-one mostly healed
without all memory
same words coming out
in different ways
but still they come
new words like "puppy"
add new life
create new memories

grateful for a place to share 
where my past no longer matters
but the words that go with it 
are accepted without judgment
i'm an aberration
finding my way late in life
with new love and new family
finally embracing this holiday
we know as Christmas
my first holiday detached
from the fear it once meant

my first season of enjoying
holiday movies and
Christmas specials
and decorations
wishing all the dVerse family
a holiday of peace and
treasured memories


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

dVerse: Chew Toy

dVerse: OpenLinkNight

of all the things
i've ever been
known and unknown
the one thing i hadn't been
was a chew toy
yet that's what i've become
to our new puppy

advice abounds
about how to stop
puppy biting
brace the neck
tweak the nose
hold finger under her tongue

regardless of technique
as soon as i release my hold
she lunges at me
sometimes i'm a sheep
to be herded
and i have the bruises
on my calves to prove it

friday comes the dog trainer
to train me
to be alpha dog
my energy is off
nothing i do works
am hoping this
dog whisperer can help

my birthday christmas puppy
makes me laugh every day
and is a wonderful joy when sleepy
her tazmanian devil side
when she zips around in circles
at the speed of light
is fun until she lunges

all i want for christmas
is for my puppy to understand
"no bite"
and continue to be her sweet
sassy feisty self
preferring toys instead of
my flesh and blood

Photo by Brian Beam

Monday, December 9, 2013

CD: Unknown Angel

Carpe Diem ~ Hando's "Footprints in the Sand"

Write a haiku in the same sense, tone, and spirit as this one:

footprints in the sand
to here and there and nowhere
and the gull flying

(c) Hando

My inspired haiku:

reflect on broken life
you carried me so many times
then unknown angel


Saturday, December 7, 2013

dVerse: She Shatters Self

dVerse: Poetics ~ Alice

Alice falls into a hole
and several of her land
one too small
one too tall
true blue pinafore...just right

one way through the looking glass 
i say she shatters self
and off she goes
several ways at once
in search of "this way out"

along the way she meets
a scattered hare too late
a cat with hookah high on quips
a knight in full daylight

joined at tea by hedgehogs
and other hedgerow critters
comes the odd Mad Hatter
of all the ones in wonderland
he's the one who seems to matter

though he might be mad
he leads her back
through the looking glass
where one cannot truly see
back home she finds herself
but does she have the

(This doesn't flow well and my brain just isn't working. My main thought was that Alice split when she landed but returned home whole again...similar to my path in life.)

CD: Poppies & Lavender

Carpe Diem ~ Ashes

life to death to ash
sprinkle me among poppies
and lavender
south of france or italy
to dance ever after

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

CD: Living Our Dreams

Carpe Diem #340 ~ ''Beautiful Dreams''


Photo by Grace Beam, Cinque Terre, Italy

some only imagine
dreams we have lived together
beauty of europe

CD: Listening

Carpe Diem #65

Hando''s ''Listening With Another'' 


Write a haiku in the same sense, tone, and spirit as this one by Hando:

listening with another
to the music of the mountain stream;
there is no other

(c) Hando 

My attempt:

watching him listen
to the sounds of nature
my soul soars

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

dVerse: Bumps in the Road

dVerse ~ OpenLinkNight

my world changing
zap by zap
opening up new avenues of joy
a christmas spirit to embrace
instead of repel
mind relaxing
body having issues
joints swollen for a week
but should subside soon
(due to a new medication)

hobbling along
is not how i want to be
moving more with puppy
is supposed to be healthy
not hurt so much
feel like i'm being bitchy
when i point out the problems
"my puppy" means my job mostly
and don't want husband
to be disappointed

disability equals feelings of guilt
for finance contributions
struggling right now but didn't know it
found out by accident
married less than a year
must maneuver the issues
in a healthy way
laughter, love, and puppy
pave the path we mostly traverse
the bumps in the road
my achillles heel

CD: Celtic Path

Carpe Diem ~ Crann Na Beatha (Tree of Life)

Celtic Music by Adrian von Ziegler

travel celtic path
magical mystery tour
faeries and dragons


tree of life
sometimes with gnarled branches
leads us to ourselves


Sunday, December 1, 2013

Saturday, November 30, 2013

dVerse: Rose Toes

dVerse: Poetics ~ Rose Toes



Photo by Grace Beam

no shoes is my preferred foot wear
with rose colored toes
a pedi from my favorite spa
the polish shade found in 2008
though a different rose shade
adorned my toes in Italy 2005

2007 led to numerous surgeries
but I never entered the OR without
my pretty toes
it became a kind of good luck charm
and something to cheer me up
poking out of hospital sheets

married with pretty toes last year
followed by a honeymoon to France 
a few months later
with a new pedi

the pedis stop when too cold for sandals
but still am barefoot indoors
bare feet go into my boots
after a polish-free season
my toes were painted
for my sojourn to Sedona in March

my feet might not be made for walking
but i want them to be pretty
rose toes go with me 
to all places important 
my personal tradition
sole to soul ~ my happy feet

Sunday, November 24, 2013

dVerse: Daytimers to Timeless

dVerse: Poetics ~ Calendar

growing up oblivious to time
pushed along in childhood by
school bells going from class to class
later to break times at work with
time either flying by to my astonishment
or moving agonizingly slow

as a therapist for almost four years
my life driven by my hourly daytimer
name and arrows
reminding myself before and after
each appointment of what was to come
often having to glance to
remember new names

now "retired" i regress
oblivious to day and time
wednesday feels like saturday
phone alarms remind me of life
outside my home
puppy licks tell me when to get up
and eyelids tell me of bedtime

happy to be without a daytimer
and go with the flow of the day
or the needs of my bouncing puppy
trying to figure out how to find time
to write

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Just Another Day

birthday just another day
anxiety and nightmare free
puppy joy and self contentment
brain with loose connections
but not minding
the big three "holidays"
finally okay...neutral
disconnect to past trauma
gift of brain reconditioning
and puppy kisses
not for any special day
adding to life
making a life
instead of existence

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

dVerse: Ch..ch..ch..ch...ch...changes

dVerse: Open Link Night

in the blink of an eye
my world has changed
puppy chaos and laughter
scattered brain syndrome
which may be from lack of sleep
or ongoing neurofeedback

internal changes continue
anxiety decreasing
joy increasing
health is good
except for aches and pains
some go with age
some with not moving
after many surgeries
six years ago

puppy got me moving
surprising myself
getting through each day
watched a scary movie
by myself
and wasn't scared
a miracle i wanted to watch

all is changing
no time and/or focus for writing
neurofeedback messing with
brain connections
in a good way
missing haiku and twitter
embracing real life fur baby

Saturday, November 9, 2013

dVerse: Late Life Childhood

dVerse: Poetics ~ Childhood Toys & Games

two sisters but mostly alone
my favorite toy was a stuffed bear
christmas present when i was 3
living in germany
military father
Steiff...the cadillac of stuffies
age 5 near Boston
dolls that could walk
mom took me to pick one out
but i never played with it
always the bear
upset mother
i spent hours outside
on the swings...alone
or played hopscotch...solo
hour after hour
as older child
father taught me strategy games
chess, bridge, cribbage
angry if i didn't do it right
games not fun
until i was a therapist
having learned play therapy
working with children
found my favorite books
and kept them in my office
began to have dolls
collectible So Truly Real
anatomically correct
at first in the office
then a few dolls at home
an act of self nurturing
since i had other parts of me
healed to become therapist
but healing continued
in therapeutic ways
as i worked with others
my toys are new and treasured
a moses basket filled with stuffed animals
from when i was healing
and parts identified with them
now that i'm whole
they are my tribute to who
once was me

Photo by Grace Beam

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

CD: Eucalyptus Down Under

Carpe Diem ~ Tan Renga Challenge

Complete the haiku with two seven syllable lines to create a tanka.

the eucalyptus
captures the iridescence
in the morning fog

(c) Steph

koala bear savors the leaves
breathes penetrating fragrance

dVerse: Daylight Puppy Time

dVerse: OpenLinkNight

bleary eyed & achy bones
matters not
when bounding puppy
greets me early a.m.
ready to play.
second night
husband takes the 3:30 a.m. shift
i relieve him at 7
fix myself tripl3 espresso
watch Today Show
(flashback to 2007)
a floor chair saves my back
while playing on her level.
she won't sleep unless
next to one of us
tho she loves her playpen...
just not with the doors closed.
my body hasn't moved so much
the past year
as it has the past two days.
her licking my face
and snuggling on my lap...
the best bandaid in the world

First nap (with toys) - Photo by Grace Beam

Friday, November 1, 2013

dVerse: Life Changing

dVerse: Poetics

Photo by Legin's Havanese

i've known of the puppies
since the day they were born
i chose my favorite from
the weaning line up
the fawn colored one
before i knew having her
was even possible

now ten weeks later
the golden fluffball is mine
ready to bring her home
in three days
my life will change
our home life will change

i'm in love with this puppy
since first glimpse
cinched with first touch
and her first kiss on my face
all awaits her arrival

my five years of non-movement
are about to change
just preparing has me moving more
relishing when she will play
with her new toys
and snuggle with me
on the sofa

i'm so attached to my computer
and that will change drastically
will miss my writing
but will have more living
more to be inspired to write
when that time is available

today i had an invitation to join
january's mindful stone writing month
that's what got me back to writing
last year
the blog...this blog...i started
for my stones
has been my sanctuary

thank you to all who have visited
become my cyber support and friends
i will join when i can 
know you have all touched me
in a deep and wonderful way
the way the world should
treat each other
am honored to be part of this beautiful
online writing community

Photo by Legin's Havanese

Thursday, October 31, 2013

dVerse: Ya Know?

dVerse: Meeting the Bar ~ Wild Beasts

with shame and glee
OUT goes the porch light
no treats from this house
i'll be inside hiding from
the ghouls, ghosts, goblins,
wild things of the night
while the little ones are cute
always some adult
in scary clown mask
that makes me want to
grab him by the throat
and say 
pedophiles use these things
ya know?

no one knows us really
in our "hood"
so parents shouldn't allow
their kids to knock on our door
the days of razor blades
in apples
horrified me
drugged candy
who knows what is 
going into those bags
a dangerous night
unless everyone
knows everyone else

bring halloween indoors
i say
have children's parties
with the playmates
so the candy they collect
is as innocent as the
or i'm hoping they 
are not yet harmed

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

CD: Vast

Carpe Diem ~ Galaxy

unending universe
constant orbs


a drop in the ocean
grain of sand on the seashore
how vast our galaxy


Tuesday, October 29, 2013

CD: Set in Stone

Carpe Diem - Machu Picchu

incan monument
egyptian pyramids
calendars in stone

dVerse: iKnow

dVerse: OpenLinkNight

How to Capture a Poem

Photo Source

beautiful country scene
outside the car window
as we're zooming by
a glimpse of purple flowers
dots the hillside
iMust capture this vision
in a haiku
grab my iPhone 
go to Notes APP
& tap out a few words
as the moving car
will allow
& eyes will allow
before iSickness
sets in
my mind will forget
a voice memo

from years of writing poetry
iKnow i just need the
first few words
& the rest will flow
besides, who has
a pen & paper handy
these days?

Monday, October 28, 2013

CD: Fences

Carpe Diem ~ Fence

dreamy picket fence
in minds of the romantic
so much grass to mow


mending fences
friends and lovers alike
to strengthen bonds

Sunday, October 27, 2013

CD: Gary Gay's "Touched"

Carpe Diem Special #64

Write a haiku in the same tone, sense, and spirit as this one by Gary Gay.

in the darkness--
by a snowflake

(c) Gary Gay

My inspired haiku:

in the dark ~
your hand brushes mine

dVerse: Halloween á la Seuss

dVerse: The Lighter Side of Halloween

i do not like a vampire's teeth
i do not like the  zombies 'neath
the rising new apocalypse
my distance i will truly keep

i do not like things that scare
i would not do even on a dare
i do not like the haunted house
i'd rather be scared by a mouse

i do not like yuck body parts
even on CSI's shooting lot
i do not like things of horror
i keep the door closed
locked ten times over

from trick or treaters
i still hide
within the dark
safely inside

(I'm sorry but I won't be reading others' for fear of running into something ghoulish and triggering.)

Friday, October 25, 2013

CD: Ghost Ships

Carpe Diem ~ Rhodes, Greece

Photo Source

tiny fortresses
dot the mediterranean
awatch for ghost ships

CD: "Autumn Leaves"

Carpe Diem's Tan Renga Challenge #20

Joanne's "Autumn Leaves"

Transform Joanne's haiku into a tan renga by adding two more lines (traditionally seven syllables each). I broke tradition slightly.

autumn leaves
myriad shades red and gold
begin to fall as snow        


blanketing the brown earth
silently in downy white


Thursday, October 24, 2013

FSF: Fur-Bearing Issues

Five Sentence Fiction ~ Determination

Her husband, after more than ten years of togetherness, still adamantly rejected the notion of a furred pet, having had horrendous asthmatic reactions earlier in life. She noticed he had not used his inhaler for years and had survived a weekend in his daughter's home with three large long-haired shedding cats. 

She delicately broached the topic offering the number one hypoallergenic breed of dog...and he could check with his doctor...and they could use extra precautions for cleanliness after handling the dog. How she longed for the pet companionship after already accepting a life with no more furry pets by committing to her relationship and then marriage to him. 

To her surprise, he did check with his doctor, found an allergist in case symptoms should arise, gave the green light, helped pick out names, and is eagerly awaiting the puppy's arrival.

Photo by Legin's Havanese

CD: Edge of Life

Carpe Diem's Tanka Shrine #1 

"Small footprints" by Marika Kitakubo

Write a tanka inspired by this one by Marika Kitakubo:

fine snow
of New Year’s Day,
small footprints
lead to grandma’s gate
before the shrine

 My inspired haiku:

another new year
struggle to stay alive
now behind me
from edge of grave to life
open wide the gates

CD: Cold Granite

Carpe Diem ~ Mausoleum

The prompt is for the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus, but I chose to just write on the prompt of mausoleum.

Photo Source

harkens of death and spirits
cold granite chills

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

dVerse: Full Moon

dVerse: OpenLinkNight

full moon sleepless night
nothing weighing on my mind
except gunshots

CD: The David

Carpe Diem ~ Notable Statue

The actual prompt is statue of Zeus at Olympia. My mind immediately went to another famous statue and that's the topic of my haiku.

Photo Source

florence's "david"
stunning detail sprung from stone
the veins in his hand 

Sunday, October 20, 2013

CD: Virgin Snow

Carpe Diem #63


Gary Gay's "New Snow"

Write a new haiku in the same sense, spirit and tone as this one by Gary Gay:

new snow--
the path you made last night 

has gone with you
(c) Garry Gay

My inspired haiku:

Photo Source

virgin snow ~
only tiny bird feet 
path unknown


Saturday, October 19, 2013

dVerse: Escape into Poetry

dVerse: Poetics ~ Mind of a Child

who knew a child could
crawl inside an encyclopedia
of poetry
to escape the world

from the time i could read
i'd go to the three volumes
the red books
filled with words
that made me smile

as early as kindergarten
i found solace in
mother goose
and illustrations
and writing down a poem
matched with a picture
from a magazine
my extra credit
because i was a brown noser
since first grade

my favorite activity outside
was swinging as high as i could
that to this day
sitting in an airplane
taking off
my mind recites
"how i love to go up in the air,
up in the air so blue"
and i smile

CD: Beyond Earthly

Carpe Diem ~ Pyramids of Giza

proportions of pyramid
out of this world


no eye witnesses
was it really made by slaves
mystery pyramid

Friday, October 18, 2013

Thursday, October 17, 2013

dVerse: The Cold War Never Chilled

dVerse: Beat Poetry

Photo Source

the cold war mind fuck
still in play 50 years later
the military industrial complex
still calling the shots
killing the whistleblowers
making the money machine
launder at warp speed
not with just weapons
but with drugs
and minds
and bodies
all for a cost
while those who know better
turn a blind eye
for a share of the cache

when the children
grow too old for kiddie porn
there is slavery now
or program their minds
to carry an M-16 into the
middle of anywhere
shoot all possible targets
before shooting self

those who survive slavery
left broken and lost
with no way "back home"
we must pay for our own therapy
if we want to heal
we must survive our healing
to live
grasping at what?
what is there to hold onto
that makes us want to 
crawl on our bellies
through the healing process
to even have a life again

when is it "their" time to
scrape their bare bellies
on the jagged concrete
to pay for their greed
and human compensation
the cold war mind fuck
is now


CD: Escape to New

Carpe Diem ~ Release

release from bondage
of invisible chains and 
programmed thoughts
learn life from the beginning
child taking her first steps


"set raven free"
leads to the red rock canyon
release lets me soar


release rage of past
channel into new growth
positive energy

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

dVerse: A Good Day

dVerse: OpenLinkNight

far from normal
in many ways
journey toward
that setting
always a goal

thyroid out of whack
a month ago
now "normal"
notified today

had to switch antibiotic
for forever sinus infection
and had to stop it 1-1/2 days
into the prescription
on a weekend
decided not to call doctor
for a replacement
and just let body be
for as long as it can
it needs a break
to get back to "normal"

mood once again stabilized
six weeks of withdrawal
from former antidepressant
onto low dose of another
finally feeling good
husband can tell too

has made October
a "normal" month
after more than a decade
of high anxiety and

today is a good day
neurofeedback for mind
acupuncture for body
three week countdown
to sweet puppy

Monday, October 14, 2013

CD: Garry Gay's "Along the Way"

Carpe Diem Special #62

The goal is to write a new haiku in the same sense, tone and spirit as the inspirational haiku by Garry Gay.

along the way
an old oak branch
becomes a walking stick

(c) Garry Gay

My inspired haiku:

Photo by Grace Beam (Lowest pool is crown chakra)

vision quest
seven pools in canyon
become chakras

(My first ceremony in Sedona was hiking a canyon path to cleanse my chakras. After the ceremony I was shown the seven different shaped pools that are known as the chakras. The pool most filled with water that day went with the chakra most needing work, coincidentally or not ~ my throat chakra.) 


CD: October

Carpe Diem's Distillation #4 

Robert Frost's "October" 

We are to write a haiku based on Robert Frost's "October" which can be found here.

october ~
slowly leave us

Saturday, October 12, 2013

dVerse: Under the Tuscan Nunnery

dVerse: Poetics ~ Viva Italia

Photo by Grace Beam

our "cottage" was a nunnery
the whole nunnery and outbuildings
in the heart of tuscany
my self-taught italian
had gotten us from milan
to cinque terre to my dream

a tiny town ~ mercatale
a grocery store for chef brian
our stone "cottage" slightly chilled
we snuggle around a fire
in may

i wake up to eggs sizzling
prosciutto frying
toast and tea
the chef at work in the
tiny kitchenette

the nunnery is dark
having closed the shutters at night
opening the shutters that first morning
is the photo above
seared into my mind

the peace
the calm
bees buzzing
poppies in bloom
it is safe
it is a feeling of home
never known before

a piece of tuscany
lodged in my heart and soul
to tap into every day
what memories should be