after being the living dead
how long before just feeling sad
instead of wanting to take my life
how long before feeling worthy of love
when all before has not been real
how can i feel lovable
knowing what i was made to do
how long before wanting to live
is stronger than wishing to die
holding onto strands of hope
doing all i can to move into life
still wondering if the effort
is worth it
lavender fields and poppies far away
my butterfly garden at home
my hope in a bouquet
(These recycling thoughts should be alleviated with neurofeedback. But will be about a year for any real improvement. Feels like stuck writing...emotions.)
Keep your hope intact... that is your best companion during the hard times.
ReplyDeleteThank you, HA. Am trying.
DeleteThis is very sad. Hope you find a way of handling those emotions and experiences. Very best of luck and patience!
ReplyDeleteI think you've answered your own question:
ReplyDelete'lavender fields and poppies far away
my butterfly garden at home
my hope in a bouquet'
.>KB
you know...its hard...how to feel loveable....i get the same from some of the kids that i have worked with that were abused in some way...the effort is worth it...and while you may have been made to do things...that does not define the person that you are...i know that is easier to say than live but....
ReplyDeleteYes, I do have to remind myself when I'm having a bad day. Coping down and old messages start circling like buzzards. Thank you. I hope one day I know what it's like not to have these thoughts. Neurofeedback guy said so many years of those messages get stuck in cycle. The treatment breaks the patterns. Hope I come to know what that's like.
DeleteMaggie, so glad you are here -- in this world, this community of poets, this universe. Stay and be you.
ReplyDeleteHugs if ok, Mary. Beautiful thing to say. Brings tears to my eyes.
DeleteMaggie Grace, i've been reading your Tweeted Haiku, you really seem to have found a comfort in the form. it's taken me awhile to embrace the discipline, but it's beginning to grow on me a bit.
ReplyDeletei felt unloveable for most of my life,unworthy as well. it doesn't have to remain that way and hope is a very important ingredient for change, poetry, lavender fields, poppies and your garden are vital to keep hope alive. sending you some {{{ h u g s }}} Maggie Grace, they always help me a lot....
Thank you. Yes, I fell into writing again after about a 4-year break with mindful stones in January which led me to haiku in February. I can see how I've evolved. Your words very much appreciated...about haiku and hope. Hugs always welcome here ♥
DeleteMaggie, I don't know your history at all, but I do know your poetry. You may not feel lovable sometime, but here you have a community that appreciates the value of YOUR words. And you ARE lovable.....and valuabe....and I am glad you are here!
ReplyDeleteWhat you wrote means so much to me. I do feel like a broken record sometimes. Different words, same message. Though dVerse has helped me really break out on occasion. Thank you for appreciating my words. And please forgive my lack of reading more than a handful while med weaning. Makes me growl.
Deletefelt emotions in this maggie and felt struggle as well - love the images in the close...the butterfly garden especially and the hope it spreads
ReplyDeleteRemember, you are lovable even if you don't feel lovable. Feelings lie sometimes. I love your work and I am so glad to have "met" you here in the blogosphere Maggie!
ReplyDeleteMaggie, I loved what Mary wrote in her comments, and I wholeheartedly endorse her statement! Let me add, this is YOUR time to shine. This community's energies are syncing right along with you....Feel better. As Mary said, we love your words, and they truly show your lovable heart.♥
ReplyDeleteGlad we get to see each other in Haiku Heights! :)
Maggie, we can slap words on a page, but without the gut-wrenching emotion they are only words. I that case we'll read the dictionary. But your work right now is as raw as it can get, and the underlying emotion elevates it to stratospheric height. I find this community uplifting, supportive and caring. Embrace it as it embraces you. Your words and you will prevail!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I do worry about being too raw but it's the way it flows. Appreciate your encouragement.
DeleteToo painful for words. Your garden seems a perfect escape from that.
ReplyDeleteDear artist, please know that everything is changing all the time, and it isn't always getting worse. I loved:
ReplyDelete"still wondering if the effort
is worth it
lavender fields and poppies far away
my butterfly garden at home
my hope in a bouquet "
Do not lose that hope - you have much talent and look forward to your words. - Mosk
Thank you, Mosk. There's a song I "caught" with Shazam from I think CSI: NY...Hold Onto Hope. That plays in my head often.
Deletesuffering from depression in my life, your poem echoed the thoughts that would go through my mind.When would it stop, when would I care, will anyone love me, am I am worthy of love. Hold on to hope, even when there seems like there isn't any..things do change, it can improve..your words are heartfelt..keep writing
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you relate so much but can also appreciate reading words that resonate with you. Thank you for visiting and sharing your place emotionally. It's not a good place to be. I'm out of the depression but brain is trained to cycle the thoughts. In the process of treating that now. Have no idea what it's like not to think this way. Hugs if okay.
DeleteOne should never sell themselves short. Everyone deserves to feel safe and enveloped in the warmth and caring of those who would love them. Do not give up hope, when you allow those who care in, compassion, friendship, true caring and yes,even love, can follow.
ReplyDeleteVery evocative piece you have written.