Thursday, August 29, 2013

dVerse: Editing the Meds

dVerse: Editing

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side effect: possible hostility
i read the day after he says
"what is WRONG with you today?!"
yes, it feels like hostility
insurance nixed the brand name
reaction to generic
off i go
pray my sinuses don't collapse
maybe the natural stuff
will be okay

withdrawal still in full force
at a mere fraction of original dose
every doctor tells me
"going off an antidepressant is tough"
no sh*t, sherlock
i'm living it every day
since i made the decision
i was happy enough to stop

but i'm growling
between the generic sinus
and frustration with withdrawal
am ready to throw in the towel
what my husband calls my
"thumper voice"
is now Bullwinkle's
"oops, wrong hat"

grant me the serenity
to live long enough to 
know a peaceful mind
with rolling brain waves
antidepressant and sinus med
by this time next year


  1. Oh, that must be so tough. I'd never question your decision...I take meds I wish I didn't have to take but have no choice really (transplant meds). I guess the nurse in me wants to tell you that those meds fill in for your body's deficiency in the area of neurochemicals, yet I understand your wanting to be free.

    But this is about poetry and I find this a tight, effective write and especially like the last stanza's message. Good luck, Maggie. I'm sorry you have to work with a doc who has an attitude.

    1. Thanks, Victoria. The antidepressant is with psychiatrist supervision. The comment came from my neurofeedback doc which wasn't his area of expertise. The sinus stuff...can't afford $400 a month for the uninsured cost. Not much other choice if I can't take the generic. It's one thing after another. Just wanting things to be settled. The sinus thing was unexpected. Understand your nursing concern and thanks. Glad what I wrote was ok for the prompt.

  2. Well Maggie Grace, I've been on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics for over 20 years and just reading what you went through would keep me on them, though I doubt my Dr. would let me any way.Good write. >KB

    1. Had no idea antidepressants were addictive and wouldn't have mattered two years ago when I went on them. It's only an issue now that my brain chemistry has changed for the better and I want and need to be off them. No longer needed. I should have been on my whole life but never tolerated one until 2005. Guess it's just as well. When we need them, we need them and am glad they help cuz living with constant depression indeed sucks. Thanks for reading and sharing your experience with meds.

  3. oh i wish you the is hard coming off meds...with a lot of the kids i worked with i had to ween them off and be really careful with the step downs...they def help when you need them but..ugh....

  4. Hello Maggie Grace:) first the poem, which Is a great expression of emotions one goes through dealing with this stuff-Great job! To keep the nice flow going you have, I'd change the words "wrong hat" and then 5 lines down " sinus meds free." But It's great! And, from personal experience, I had to find my own remedies to fix damage done by ignorant Dr.-- and have discovered really amazing alternatives. If you want to email for advice, I can talk more:)

    1. Thanks for your feedback and offer. I usually find my path. This one just really wrestling with. I agree the flow would be better deleting "sinus meds" and just having antidepressant free, but the "oops, wrong hat" has to stay cuz it's a perfect analogy for my volatility. I was a huge Rocky & Bullwinkle fan. Older writers would relate. Was so excited to find the matching cartoon picture. Glad you liked it but honor how some things rub other poets the wrong way. My no rhyme or reason way of writing. Appreciate your visit!

  5. It is always hard to make such decisions. But one must do what one thinks is best for them. Take care!
    You represented your anguish in your poem which gave it a thought-provoking quality.
    You express the emotions effortlessly in your creations. That is what I like about your writing.

    1. Thank you, HA. You are always so kind to read and comment. I often read yours but not so good at comments. Please forgive me. I love when you visit.

  6. oh i wish you the best with editing those meds down until you can live completely without them...sounds like a tough process but really happy for your that you chose to go this way

  7. Good luck in your transition... I do hope you are tapering off the meds instead of going cold turkey (that can be dangerous).

  8. There is no introspection to pain. It is very real and cathartic in a way. You write yours so well, and I wish it wasn't so for your sake. ( the pain part, not the writing well part!) Good luck with everything, Maggie.

  9. It must be so hard to get out of meds like that.. Medicine can be such a curse and also such a blessing. Wonderfully written and captured me...

  10. I came off some anti-depressants cold turkey instead of titrating down off them. Had the week from hell when I did that. You'll come through the other side though, hang in there.

    1. Kathryn, I don't know what I would have done having to deal with a cyclone in my head among other things. So overwhelming. A week you stayed with that awfulness? Am glad you are able to give me hope. Scary how the brain holds onto the chemicals so desperately. Thank you for visiting and sharing.

  11. Truly a tricky, tricky thing, anti-depressants. I wish you the best and I'm so sorry uninsured meds are so expensive. Truly, something must be changed about that! The poem captures the frustration, especially in the middle with the "no sh*t, Sherlock" :)