Tuesday, September 10, 2013

dVerse: I Didn't Scream

dVerse: OpenLinkNight 113

I didn't scream when the mailman came
I always scream when the mailman
pushes the mail through the slot
Poor mailperson...they vary
I always scream

But I didn't scream earlier this week
and I didn't scream the next time either
It's only happened twice
but it's nice not to scream
A PTSD trigger resolved
with just a few neurofeedback sessions?
It's not supposed to work that fast.
But what if it did?
What else explains it?

I had two other triggers not happen
or be much less than normal
since my last treatment.
When I almost drop something
that's a BIG scream.
I have the memory for why
and no wonder it's big.
It was just an eek twice
(the most recent two times)

What is it like to go from
"complex PTSD"
to little or no PTSD?
It's quieter. Calmer.
I'm becoming a calmer me.
Who am I if not spastic?
More giggles...less startle response
I might like it.


  1. smiles. i bet you will...and hey you have to celebrate the little progresses right? this is cool progress...smiles.

    1. It is cool, Brian. It's HUGE in my life. Even if it only cuts down the number of times I scream for now, it's great. Just reveling in "what if it's over" for the mailman scream. Definitely worth celebrating :) Thanks for being here and being first.

  2. i know you'll like it Magie. You're def on the way.

  3. Happy to read the progress,smiles ~

  4. Maggie…calmer is good. We do have to celebrate the small things!!

  5. Oh my, thanks for putting us in your shoes for a bit....has to be a good feeling of relief that you are overcoming something so hard to live with;)

  6. nice...happy for you for the progress you make... each step a step towards freedom again..very nice

  7. Oh, babe, I'm so happy for you. I have PTSD and when you speak of the mail coming through the slot making you scream, yes, I've been there. And yes, progress CAN happen that fast, even though the next thunderstorm might slide you back a bit... it's those unexpected moments, like when I drop something and JCMFSOB slides out of my mouth like Napalm that make me still unemployable, so good on you! Much love and thanks, Amy

    1. Gosh I hadn't known anyone before who had PTSD for dropping something before. Interesting. Yes, I have colorful language for when the scream flies out of me too. lol. Thanks for reading and sharing!

  8. I am sure you will like it...celebrate each success no matter how big or small.

  9. Courageous write. Wishing you success in overcoming this stress disorder. I think it is a natural response to trauma and I hope you don't feel isolated by it. Just keep working on it and maybe add meditation??? This was eye-opening for me.

  10. The honest writing is amazing... and I'm glad every time you write of your progress. .. this is great write

  11. Celebrating with you! PTSD is a beast,and when it is gets cut down to size and there is room for eeks and giggles and calm it is worth celebrating!

  12. Keep it up! Thanks for sharing what so many keep to themselves. Nicely written.

    1. Thanks, Ken. I've explained to friends since it had a name because my startle response is really loud and ya never know. Most have heard it. lol.