Thursday, September 12, 2013

dVerse: Jazz Blues

dVerse: Jazz Poetry

This is me just being me because the word "jazz" evokes such repulsion within me. I have a strong "flight" response to hearing it. My world...

i know some of the greats
billie holiday
miles davis
louis armstrong
i can endure some of the 
slowwwwww jazz
without the clarinet or saxophone
that send me
reeling off the brink
of sanity
to get to the OFF button
or run out the door
if it plays in a restaurant
though ipods and iphones
gave me a semblance
of coping

you know how
in some movies
prisoners are tortured
by having heavy metal
day and night
into their cells
with no relief?
that was done to me
when i was little
except with jazz

to associate jazz
with an activity
no child would choose
or want to endure
i couldn't run then
but i can run now

my blues
are very different
than the blues of jazz
nails on a blackboard
doesn't begin to describe
the feeling in my body
when that sound
that agonizing sound
meets my brain

maybe i'll be lucky
and neurofeedback
will resolve the jazz effect
maybe i could move
slowly and with fluidity
to the off button
or walk gracefully out
instead of
run for my life


  1. Were your folks beatnicks? Mine were into opera, drove me nuts. Great poem, very expressive.

  2. This is a great counter-point piece. I too only like the slow Chet Baker jazz. The rest of it gives me sore eyes. Really good.>KB

  3. Ah... yes I can fully understand your aversion.. association makes aversion...

    But I have grown to love some jazz...

    1. My husband loves it too. He just listens when he's in the car or I'm not home.

  4. Brainwashing has never been the recipe to induce appreciation and love. Pity this happened to you with jazz.

  5. mmm scary when something that could be so beautiful is destroyed by conditioning a response or activity in a situation...maybe you will continue so you can appreciate it for what it is...and not what they made it...

    1. I've done a lot of transforming of things/associations in my healing. Heavy metal does do the same thing to me. Life shapes our musical tastes. Mine were just shaped from aversion rather than attraction. I can listen to a little bit...

  6. Yeah, I can understand. There is a lot of jazz I like and then some that I just can't listen to. It was an acquired taste for me-my husband loved it so I learned to appreciate it.

  7. Well...I love jazz, but also opera as well. Have played many operas, combinations of scenery, acting, dancing, singing and orchestra music, all wrapped into bundle.

    How often I wished to RUN AWAY, but instead walked slowly out. In that way, nobody noticed my leaving. HA! Sneaky you! ("Walk gracefully out")
    PEACE and LIGHT, Maggie

    1. You reminded me that I used to take dance lessons...ballet, tap, modern jazz. I loved that kind of jazz. The jazz in Chicago was cool. Maybe because I'm focused on the dancing? It was a nice time in my childhood. All the dance lessons.

  8. Yes, I surely can understand why you wouldn't like jazz, Maggie, after your experiences. Jazz probably would not be my music of choice even though I have never been brainwashed to it.

  9. I'd say, if you burn your hand on the stove, it makes you very careful near stoves. Jazz is that hot burner, and you know to keep your distance. I like that you replied to the prompt, MG, with a thoughtful and resonant write.

  10. My kids don't dislike all jazz but their dad played fusion in the mornings when he drove, and they HATED it, and still pretty much do. I suspect your situation was worse. I liked your "take" on the subject. It expands our understanding of how anything even things of beauty can become torture to someone. Important share and I very much appreciate your personal aversion translated through poetry. Thank you!

  11. Thank you to all who have read and commented. This is a safe place to share. How freeing to release my truth in this poetic form...this free verse that is my voice.

  12. Our experiences shape us... they can result in aversions to certain things. I can understand your anguish.
    I came to love jazz after listening to a modern singer. But that is me.

  13. oh heck...i can imagine how terrible that is.. maybe much like a scent that when you re-smell it, it takes you right back into specific moments...i really hope for healing for you..

  14. Some jazz does make me fear that I have a migraine coming on, or as someone said 'is best listened to through a wall, in the room next door'. But we can't all like the same things, that's why there is such diversity in the world, right?

  15. That frantic, back and forth "conversation" of instruments does push a few bad buttons here as well, Maggie. But in all, I like my jazz smooth; going down like fine wine. Music is just a different kind of poetic form. Different strokes...

  16. Great poem...even if the inspiration is not such a pleasant one for you.

  17. A great piece, and I feel your pain coming through. The want to like something so universally loved and the memories just poison it again and again. I get that. There is some music I can't tolerate either because it packs a ton of baggage for me. Courage my friend, you are doing great!