CD: Little Miracles

Carpe Diem #256 ~ Inspiration

little miracles
how mother nature brings joy
with a wisp of green

***

heart and soul
flow of emotions
veins to ink

***

love of my life
partner, friend, companion
my heart overflows

dVerse: Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

 dVerse: Poetics

 

Polyvore by Grace

a blur between my known reality
and what was my life
is all i know
no beautiful mirages
unseen offerings of gelato
in the heat of summer

i lived a life i did not know
that began to leak through
in my forties
like a daydream
playing out so vividly
with mindblowing emotions
for something i did not
know or recognize

but not a daydream
nightmares
mini nightmares
when it first began 
flashbacks 
that were not my own
what was real?
was it real?
was my unknown truth
dist...ort...ed?
or was it really that
INTENSE

my every day
once amnesia broke
was a constant struggle
of what was/is real
is it still happening?
how do you know
you have amnesia
if you have
amnesia?


I have healed from the "falling apart" that came with amnesia leaking. But it was one wild scary ride for about a decade.

CD: Zoning Out

Carpe Diem #245 ~ Listening

 

captivating sound

music is mesmerizing 

listening ~ eyes closed

 

CD: PI-ku Joy

Carpe Diem Freestyle #2

 

We have an option of a challenge to do a new form of Japanese poetry called a PI-ku: 3-1-4  (the number of PI). I like small verse so here is my first try.

chocolate

joy

my heart's delight

 

Probably not what the Japanese had in mind but I just had dark chocolate gelato last night and I adore chocolate!

  

Toads: Journey to Joy

Imaginary Garden With Read Toads
Mini-Challenge: Live A Little

i live to haiku
even though this isn't one
it's an ongoing journey
i take with several companions
my mini-version of The Way
getting from here to there
wanting to feel the exhilaration

the way i felt in europe
the two times i went with hubby
first to italy
then last year's honeymoon
in provence
heaven
feeling free and joyful
every...single...day
like i'm alive
not just existing

then i come home
and am a blob again
so that's why the haiku
my mind-stimulating journey
of perfecting the small
because my brain
can't handle big concepts
any longer

although maybe after
neurofeedback
my brain will be different
and i will actually be able 
to remember
when a series returns to tv
that i recall the previous one
or i can remember plots
and characters of a book
if i put it down for two days

my mind short circuited
i live for small challenges
tho i seem to be carried away
with this look at my life
where will i travel next?
that's what will really
keep me going

HH: Up in the Air

Haiku Heights #264 ~ Swing

childhood memory

swing as high as possible

leap out at height's peak

 

CD: Buson's "In the Stillness"

Carpe Diem's Tan Renga Challenge #6

Tan Renga is adding two seven syllable lines to another poet's haiku. Today's challenge is to add two lines to the following haiku written by one of the four great haiku masters, Buson:

in the stillness
between the arrival of guests
the peonies    

My attempt: 

heads tilted toward the sun

welcoming all with color 

 

CD: Mystery

Carpe Diem #244

mystery of life

how every step on the path

creates more questions 

 

CD: Cease to Exist

Carpe Diem #243 ~ Tribulation

My husband's aunt, who helped raise him, died yesterday. We also learned this week his grandchild (in his early 20s) has terminal cancer. A very sad time.

Image Source

much tribulation

death of favorite aunt

grandchild with cancer 

***

my tribulations

when will they cease to exist ~

stop flowing in ink?

dVerse: Love is Blue-ish

dVerse: Alliteration

The challenge is actually for a specific alliterative form with certain accents and number of accents per line which makes my head spin. This is my small contribution to the purely alliterative requirement.


lavender is love
fields of purple ~ passionate 
our love lingering

 

FSF: Stop The Cycle

Five Sentence Fiction ~ Locked

Image Source

Finally, after 15 years of putting her self back together and making it to the other side of the horror that had been her life, she was ready for the clean up: neurofeedback to help her mind calm down, hopefully abate even more PTSD symtoms, and rid herself of what she viewed as the toxic waste left over in her mind from the years of healing.

This was her second appointment; her first had been the initial consultation and she was now ready to have the initial baseline reading of her brain. Reviewing the first numbers and graphs, the doctor indicated that it showed her mind, in it's normal daily activity state, was anything but normal, and described her brain as working very hard to suppress something..."whatever" was locked inside her mind.

This second doctor had not been aware of her 44 years of amnesia and 15 years of getting to where the memories seemed to be controlled; and now, MacKenzie realized she was not yet done since it was likely some new or repeating memories would surface in treatment although the next time, with the neurofeedback, would finally release the trauma from cycling in her mind.

This was her final attempt to become as normal as possible for what remained of her life; after all she deserved at least a decade of normalcy and what others knew as happiness for her time left on this earth.

CD: Jane Reichhold's "Forgotten Brook"

Carpe Diem Special #46 

Today's challenge is to use Jane Reichhold's haiku to inspire our own. This is hers:

forgotten brook
running the centuries down
locked in rock 

My inspired haiku:

I was fascinated by the layered rock in the buttes in Sedona. I was shown from ground and by helicopter the levels where once there was ocean, volcanic eruptions, civilizations lost. Fascinating.

Photo by Grace Beam

 

layered in the rock

evidence of ancient seas

millennia lost

 

dVerse: Heart & Soul

dVerse: Open Link Night

The challenge is to write using words we tend to overuse. My words are heart and soul.


haiku to my heart
words that flow from your soul
etch them within me

HH: The Bond

Haiku Heights #263 ~ Measure

a measure of love
cements the bond between us 
wrapped in our friendship



 

CD: Life Companions

Carpe Diem #243 ~ Companions

my life companion

the last love of my known life 

best friends forever

***

companions in life

though no conscious memory

knowing that we loved

***

a new world ~ internet

my virtual companions

my love for them real

Merge: Blind Obedience (2)

At The Merge: Week 28

We were provided two prompts for this week's writing of up to 500 words. I chose this image because it reflected mind control or a broken person to me.

You can read the first segment of this story here:

Photo Source

In the Cold War, no one questioned what the US government was doing to keep us safe from the always heightened fear of Soviet nuclear proliferation. Under the umbrella MK-Ultra, the ultimate in harm was done to college students, prison inmates, our own soldiers, and beyond in the name of finding the “right” resources to use against our enemies. LSD used on unsuspecting people was introduced by the CIA underground to observe its ability to produce mental malleable individuals to no avail. Psychiatrists in nearly every major university in the country was lured into the program (which went completely against the Hippocratic Oath) to administer various drugs and try unethical hypnosis to see how far a person could be made to go beyond the bounds of that individual’s ethics. It was proven that hypnosis could reach a level causing a person to commit acts without memory of doing so.

While MK-Ultra had just under 150 subprojects, other projects and programs of an even deeper level existed. The intent was to begin with a newborn or young child whose mind was still capable of fragmenting as a coping mechanism which usually only happened before a child was six years old. To create this effect, a child had to be consistently subjected to physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse to include the extremes of witnessing harm to others and torture including sensory deprivation and drugs to quell resistance. The “formula” for beginning with a newborn was not completely in place until after the birth of Elias’ first child. He did his part to instill the fear and maintain the prescribed methods of abuse at the time, all designed not to be evident to the spouse.

When his first child was only two years old, the family transferred from Japan to Aberdeen Proving Grounds in Maryland. The Proving Grounds and its neighbor Edgewood Arsenal were the places of some of the CIA and Army Psychological Warfare Division's deepest secrets. It was here Elias met his personal trainers, hand selected Nazis under Project Paperclip, another secret government program which ushered Nazis criminals into the US for their knowledge of rocket science, mind control, and other specialties post WWII.

The entirety of the mind control program was under the direct supervision of Jack Leber, head of the CIA’s Technical Services Division. The notorious Nazis, whose whereabouts were kept well guarded and/or covered with revisionist history and propaganda, were under Leber’s direction to train the “special” sociopathic officers recruited into the program. Everything was laid out with precision. If the children of the program lived to be adults fulfilling their carefully engineered purpose somehow remembered and told the truth, they would never be believed.
Words: 447

 

Blind Obedience (to date)

Segment One

The Games Begin

Elias knew he wanted to kill from an early age. Even when his parents saw they could no longer have pets, he found animals to torture in secret. It was with great pleasure he signed the contract that turned his life over to the military. Extraordinary timing. The war had ended not long before and the CIA just came into its own after having been the Office of Strategic Services. British MI-6 officers had aided in the transition. The year was 1947.

Psychiatrists had devised a questionnaire (unbeknown to Elias) to target sociopaths with a predisposition to pedophilia. He had passed with flying colors and, even though he was not a college graduate, somehow he had been drafted into officer training school under the auspices of the new CIA for a secret program. He got his license to kill just prior to his first assignment, Korea, before his 20th birthday.

Part of his cover would be a wife, especially since children were to be the basis of the program for which he would owe allegiance. Elias had the task of finding a bride who was already prone to dissociation or highly hypnotizable. He chose a girl from his high school class and married after his training. He would not reunite with her until after his first tour of duty for a year in Korea instructing Korean soldiers how to torture and kill. How he thrived on torture. His wife joined him at his next assignment in Japan. He became involved in Japanese political affairs where it was to US advantage for one side to win. Japan was also where his first child was born. He had complied by conditioning his wife to obey orders and sometimes hypnotize her to forget things she had seen or heard. That was crucial to his life in the underworld as a spy sanctioned by the secret level of the government. To his wife, time would just fly by when her baby daughter was taken for nefarious purposes. Her mind simply closed the time gaps. To her, he was in the Army. Period.

In the beginning of the Cold War, US military was highly interested in mind control, especially having soldiers follow orders without question or memory. And so the behavioral engineering experiments began, and not just on the soldiers. The program known as MK-ULTRA was underway.


The above was posted as a challenge to Trifecta on July 8, 2013 at 333 words.

Segment Two 

The Program

In the Cold War, no one questioned what the US government was doing to keep us safe from the always heightened fear of Soviet nuclear proliferation. Under the umbrella MK-Ultra, the ultimate in harm was done to college students, prison inmates, our own soldiers, and beyond in the name of finding the “right” resources to use against our enemies. LSD used on unsuspecting people was introduced by the CIA underground to observe its ability to produce mental malleable individuals to no avail. 

Psychiatrists in nearly every major university in the country was lured into the program (which went completely against the Hippocratic Oath) to administer various drugs and try unethical hypnosis to see how far a person could be made to go beyond the bounds of that individual’s ethics. It was proven that hypnosis could reach a level causing a person to commit acts without memory of doing so.

While MK-Ultra had just under 150 subprojects, other projects and programs of an even deeper level existed. The intent was to begin with a newborn or young child whose mind was still capable of fragmenting as a coping mechanism which usually only happened before a child was six years old. To create this effect, a child had to be consistently subjected to physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse to include the extremes of witnessing harm to others and torture including sensory deprivation and drugs to quell resistance. The “formula” for beginning with a newborn was not completely in place until after the birth of Elias’ first child. He did his part to instill the fear and maintain the prescribed methods of abuse at the time, all designed not to be evident to the spouse.

When his first child was only two years old, the family transferred from Japan to Aberdeen Proving Grounds in Maryland. The Proving Grounds and its neighbor Edgewood Arsenal were the places of some of the CIA and Army Psychological Warfare Division's deepest secrets. It was here Elias met his personal trainers, hand selected Nazis under Operation Paperclip, another secret government program which ushered Nazis criminals into the US for their knowledge of rocket science, mind control, and other specialties post WWII.

The entirety of the mind control program was under the direct supervision of Jack Leber, head of the CIA’s Technical Services Division. The notorious Nazis, whose whereabouts were kept well guarded and/or covered with revisionist history and propaganda, were under Leber’s direction to train the “special” sociopathic officers recruited into the program. Everything was laid out with precision. If the children of the program lived to be adults fulfilling their carefully engineered purpose somehow remembered and told the truth, they would never be believed.  


This segment was posted for the prompt of Writing At The Merge Week 28.

Segment 3 

Training

 

 

Elias was in awe meeting the most reviled Nazi of all time, Josef Mengele with his narcissistic confidence and black boots remembered by many long after the concentration camps; Reinhard Gehlen, who was allied by the CIA for his many contacts with the Soviet Union and his knowledge of what was needed to stay ahead of Soviet advancements in mind control; and Jose Delgado, a man with no loyalties but whose knowledge of brain stimulation and manipulating both animals and children to perform as puppets rather than entities with their mind. All were integral to training those whose children would become the first babies born into the program.

Training for Elias’ role for his own child began before its conception. He had no problem signing the documents, although he hated the clause stating his own flesh and blood child would be swapped at birth with a child genetically engineered for the program. He winced at knowing he might have a son he would never know. To ensure his loyalty to Firefly (the highly secretive program of targeting genetically engineered newborns), the CIA made it known they had proof of Elias’ history as a pedophile—knowledge that would ruin his life and career. His job in the larger scheme of the program was to teach the art of torture to create multiple personalities in the young minds, beginning pre-birth.  

Aberdeen Proving Grounds was a common layover point for Nazis entering the US under Operation Paperclip before being given a permanent assignment. Elias trained in 1951 and was prepared for his newborn in late 1952. He was also able to incorporate the new techniques that did not apply to newborns to his now nearly three-year-old child.

The genetically engineered baby was the egg of the biological mother and the sperm of a highly secretive royalty sperm bank. It was long held in the occult that certain bloodlines were meant to be preserved and children hidden from the royal donors would ensure the succession. In fact many donors were also raised in the occult creating childhood multiplicity and became unwitting sperm donors as teens fathering numerous unknown children. The Nazis were forced to worship Satan and participate in the rituals. That knowledge became part and parcel of Firefly. The same people responsible for creating the sophisticated personality structure of each child were also the people at the terrifying ceremonies where the ultimate traumas were perpetrated on the children.

It had been identified before the program that messages a child or adult heard at the height of terror were retained far more quickly than any other method. It was the means to an end but also the fulfillment of an insatiable desire by pedophiles and sociopaths who cared more about their country’s goals and personal perversions than their own children’s welfare.

As for the biological mother, all unwitting wives would never have memory of the medical procedure to extract the eggs.



This segment was posted for Write At The Merge Week 28.

Segment 4

The Bloodlines

While anyone looking at the country’s Cold War would see the US versus the Soviet Union, far beneath, in the layer of Firefly, existed a drastically different agenda. The Federal Reserve, which began in the 1920s, and the World Bank which began in 1944, held the foresight of the wealthiest of the wealthy (tying back to royal bloodlines) dominating the world, known in whispered circles as The New World Order. Part of that Orwellian state included not only mind control of their subjects but cooperation of the world’s wealthiest including the upper class in the Soviet Union. At that deep hidden level, for many decades, the worldwide elite manipulated public perception of their activities while steadily moving forward. Priority one was to save themselves from their own man made evil, which was part and parcel of the greater doctrine.

Both Russia and the US had secret plans to send an entourage to space to colonize the moon in the event of imminent nuclear annihilation. Wernher von Braun, an Operation Paperclip Nazi, was first placed with the US Army working on missiles and worked his way up to director of NASA. All puzzle pieces were fitting nicely into place—mainstreamed criminal Nazi’s fully embraced by the US thanks to propaganda.

Elias seethed at knowing he was training others to create the genetically engineered offspring to be the new mind controlled generation who would colonize space with a select few leaders and scientists. His “daughter”, one of the “chosen”, would potentially survive a nuclear holocaust while he perished. It made him hate her even more. He did his job well of maintaining her fear and terrorizing her subconsciously to keep her personalities in tact. He despised that he had to be mindful of never allowing his thin veneer of restraint to crack. His assigned asset was crucial to the program and ending her life would end his career and possibly his life as well.


Written for Trifecta's Week Eighty-Six.

Segment 5

Hidden Assets

 

Polyvore by grace2244

 

Each personality created for a child had been trained for a specific job either for the cult scenarios, or highly specialized knowledge to be a young astronaut, assassin, courier and numerous other government-designated purposes. Elias was not one of the respected neuroscientists who knew the brain and how to program the various entities of a young mind. Jack Leber had carefully laid out the personality matrices for different undercover purposes.

Because Emma, his royalty-hidden “daughter”, was to be a much needed part of that world, Elias greatly resented her higher purpose and the fact that he was relegated to a necessary but not well regarded member of the secret operatives. His skills in torture were prized and chronicled as part of the darkest secret—the manual used worldwide to create the next generation of blindly obedient children into adulthood who could be used on cue for any activity for which they were trained with no memory of having done so. Yet his covert task did not allow him to band with the others in terms of importance.

Even at a young age, the children had purposes that far exceeded their original purpose. One could make a young child swallow gems and call out a loving part who believed the abuser to be a father figure and easily transport the cache to another state or country. Drugs could be hidden in children’s toys with no one thinking twice. The child returning home had no memory of the event and the spouse and siblings would have all been trained to forget any missing time. All seemed normal to each other within the family system, except that it was a complete fabrication.

Written for Trifecta Week Eighty Eight.

Segment 6 

Womb To Let 

 

Polyvore by Grace2244

The training manual to raise a generation of “designer operatives” complete, Elias impregnated his wife. As soon as it was known she was pregnant, the fertilized egg that would be his child was inseminated into the surrogate. The underground had its own supply of “slaves”: children, teens, adults who were not missed by society. They were gathered from orphanages in places of war or where an agreement was made for financial gain, from prisons, the terminally ill, street children, the homeless, those born into cults whose births were never registered.
The healthy women were kept to be bred and used as surrogates. They were property of the governments who held them. The ones not suitable for other purposes were used to traumatize those who were multiple or becoming multiple.

Witnessing the horrific torture and deaths of such people became seared into the young minds. At the moment of peak terror, the programming messages and signals for the purpose of the particular personality called out for the trauma would begin. Trauma, ritual abuse, and scientific precision along with training went hand in hand. One did not work without the other. Horrific trauma was essential to a well engineered multiple.

While other mind control programs were proving fruitless, nothing was weak about the plan to develop the children of Firefly to be unwitting and perfectly mind controlled adults.


Written for Trifecta: Week Eighty Nine

 

Trifecta: Blind Obedience (1)

Trifecta: Week Eighty-Five

 


This week's challenge is to write 33 to 333 words using the following definition of the word FLY:  a ) to move, pass, or spread quickly ; b) to be moved with sudden extreme emotion ; c) to seem to pass quickly .

My entry is the beginning of possibly a novel with fact and fiction mixed together. Some names are real while others are not because of the need to fictionalize details. The program MK-ULTRA was indeed real.

Image Source

Elias knew he wanted to kill from an early age. Even when his parents saw they could no longer have pets, he found animals to torture in secret. It was with great pleasure he signed the contract that turned his life over to the military. Extraordinary timing. The war had ended not long before and the CIA just came into its own after having been the Office of Strategic Services. British MI-6 officers had aided in the transition.

Psychiatrists had devised a questionnaire (unbeknown to Elias) to target sociopaths. He had passed with flying colors and, even though he was not a college graduate, somehow he had been drafted into officer training school under the auspices of the new CIA for a secret program. He got his license to kill just prior to his first assignment, Korea, before his 20th birthday.

According to plan, he married before his departure. He would not reunite with his bride until after his tour of duty for a year in Korea instructing Korean soldiers how to torture and kill. How he thrived on torture. His wife joined him at his next assignment in Japan. Once again he became involved in Japanese civil affairs where it was to US advantage for one side to win. Japan was also where his first child was born. He had already been trained to condition his wife to obey orders and sometimes hypnotize her to forget things she had seen or heard. That was crucial to his life in the underworld as a spy sanctioned by the secret level of the government. To his wife, time would just fly by when her baby daughter was taken for nefarious purposes. Her mind simply closed the time gaps.

In the beginning of the Cold War, US military was highly interested in mind control, especially having soldiers follow orders without question or memory. And so the behavioral engineering experiments began, and not just on the soldiers. The program known as MK-ULTRA was underway.

Words: 333

Part 2 of this story can be found here.

CD: Whose Ambition?

Carpe Diem #242 ~ Ambition

Photo Source

life's ambition

destiny defined by path

obstacles and turns

***

life as a puppet

whose ambition did i live?

no one can believe

***

letting go of truth

the ambition to tell all

must now be at peace

These prompt words are going deep into my psyche. Even when I want to not connect to past, it's where my mind takes me.

OSI: Demons

One Single Impression ~ Demon

demons within
you placed them in my mind
i thought they were gone
until you died
your evil lived on
you lost
i survived my attempt
and now have healed
your evil now powerless
hell has been waiting
for you and your ilk