dVerse: Poetics ~ Repetition
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| Polyvore by Grace2244 |
who am i
egg & sperm combined
for a sinister government program
who am i
that the woman who was
my egg mother
turned me away the moment
i remembered being molested
and honored the "father's" wishes
to pronounce me dead
who am i
that in his obituary
it was decided
my name would not be listed
as a daughter
absolving him of all
responsibility
who am i
that he was not my birth father
but only the one meant
to maintain the terror and abuse
a pact with the devil
before my conception
who am i
soon to be answered
in some sense
validated that it was her egg
awaiting the results
to see if sperm donor
is the answer received
from the universe
somehow i would be happy
to know i did not come
from the "father"
who died 2/4/2011
a day after his birthday
always the day after
groundhog day
i like to think the sperm donor
was the one whose birthdate
held my numbers
born the 24th in 1924
the secret royal sperm bank
i dream of having been born
to that family instead
far from the cruel inhumanity
hidden as a "special" possession
my life circling around
like the movie
again and again
always landing on
who am i
but also knowing
the answer
no one would believe
who i am
and the good news is that we are not limited to what was done to us...but can have an identity far beyond that...i def imagine relief in knowing it was not that abusive father that was your real father....
ReplyDeleteI think in time, we may begin to allow ourselves to think upon "who i am" in a present sense, that is, when we are ready to let the past be past-- who am I now? What do I do now? I know I think upon these things often. Thanks for sharing this window into your world ~peace to you, Jason
ReplyDeleteVery powerful poem--some things so hard to transcend but what else can one do? So difficult--you bring out that difficulty and the ways the mind works. Thanks. k.
ReplyDeleteYou are who you are, your own beautiful soul.
ReplyDeleteyou handled this topic so well... so much maturity here
ReplyDeleteA very unique twist to the normal run of things. It's quite a bother to be exposed to matters not of our doing but imposed on us. Worst the realization came years later. Very vivid and a very brave outing , Maggie!
ReplyDeleteHank
You are you...unique and perfect ;)
ReplyDeletevery heart rendering.............to know who we are......
ReplyDeleteSomehow.. you are who you are.. but being released from connection to abuse from your own genes would be a release.. very strong poem Grace.. and what a lovely painting... Is that your artwork? I would really really like to see more..
ReplyDeleteSuch powerful writing out there - mesmerizing. The repetition has come out so differently in your words.
ReplyDeleteYou are who you are, not dependent on parenting....but on what you do with your life today and tomorrow. I do think, however, it was a good thing to learn that your father was not the abusive man!
ReplyDeleteWhat a story ~ though we don't choose our parents, we can choose and shape our future ~ powerful writing here, thanks ~
ReplyDelete