Saturday, February 1, 2014

dVerse: Who Am I

dVerse: Poetics ~ Repetition






Polyvore by Grace2244


 















who am i
egg & sperm combined
for a sinister government program

who am i
that the woman who was
my egg mother
turned me away the moment
i remembered being molested
and honored the "father's" wishes
to pronounce me dead

who am i
that in his obituary
it was decided
my name would not be listed
as a daughter
absolving him of all
responsibility

who am i
that he was not my birth father
but only the one meant
to maintain the terror and abuse
a pact with the devil 
before my conception

who am i
soon to be answered
in some sense
validated that it was her egg
awaiting the results
to see if sperm donor
is the answer received
from the universe

somehow i would be happy
to know i did not come
from the "father"
who died 2/4/2011
a day after his birthday
always the day after
groundhog day

i like to think the sperm donor
was the one whose birthdate
held my numbers
born the 24th in 1924
the secret royal sperm bank
i dream of having been born
to that family instead
far from the cruel inhumanity
hidden as a "special" possession

my life circling around
like the movie
again and again
always landing on
who am i
but also knowing
the answer
no one would believe
who i am


13 comments:

  1. and the good news is that we are not limited to what was done to us...but can have an identity far beyond that...i def imagine relief in knowing it was not that abusive father that was your real father....

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  2. I think in time, we may begin to allow ourselves to think upon "who i am" in a present sense, that is, when we are ready to let the past be past-- who am I now? What do I do now? I know I think upon these things often. Thanks for sharing this window into your world ~peace to you, Jason

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  3. Very powerful poem--some things so hard to transcend but what else can one do? So difficult--you bring out that difficulty and the ways the mind works. Thanks. k.

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  4. You are who you are, your own beautiful soul.

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  5. you handled this topic so well... so much maturity here

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  6. A very unique twist to the normal run of things. It's quite a bother to be exposed to matters not of our doing but imposed on us. Worst the realization came years later. Very vivid and a very brave outing , Maggie!

    Hank

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  7. You are you...unique and perfect ;)

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  8. very heart rendering.............to know who we are......

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  9. Somehow.. you are who you are.. but being released from connection to abuse from your own genes would be a release.. very strong poem Grace.. and what a lovely painting... Is that your artwork? I would really really like to see more..

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  10. Such powerful writing out there - mesmerizing. The repetition has come out so differently in your words.

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  11. You are who you are, not dependent on parenting....but on what you do with your life today and tomorrow. I do think, however, it was a good thing to learn that your father was not the abusive man!

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  12. You are beautiful just as you are and don't let anyone or anything make you feel otherwise. Hugs, Loredana

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  13. What a story ~ though we don't choose our parents, we can choose and shape our future ~ powerful writing here, thanks ~

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