dVerse: OpenLinkNight
i'd like to die at 65
i tell my psychiatrist
explaining i'm not depressed
just tired of expending energy
to live
i told my husband the same thing
last week
"that's not much time" he says
since i just turned 61
i want it to be peacefully
in my sleep
even though i still have
a full bucket list
psych says it's not abnormal
to just be tired of living
he knows it's not depression
at least no longer
but maybe
because my healing continues
less mental energy
will be expended
and the desire to live longer
will grow stronger
i would like to see
the greek isles
visit sedona again
save up for a
chocolate indulgence massage day
at hershey spa
through my journey
from collapse from trauma memory
i have learned transcendence
trusting in my internal higher power
knowing jung's world of personality
stood on a hilltop in sedona
hearing the mountains speak to me
i have known unconditional love
the joy of laughing with my husband
and far too much pain
i long for the soylent green room
without the aftermath
my ashes in lavender fields
in europe brings me so much peace
smiles...i hear you...i look forward to that sleep when the time comes...there was a time i wondered if i would make it to the age i am now...so this is a surprise...smiles...and for the time i have i will run and love life...and those that share it with me...
ReplyDeletehey... we have a famous song here in germany that says life starts with 66 - it is sung by udo jürgens and tells about a man who is just retired and buys a motorbike and does all the things he never had the time for...so hey... maybe start thinking about that...? smiles....but yes...i hear you...life can get burdensome at times...
ReplyDeletePersonally, I don't intend to pop my clogs before my time (not of my choosing) arrives. I have too many things to do, to read, to write, to bake, to love, and mostly to hear people laugh. I hope that your days are filled with laughter and love.
ReplyDeleteI've felt just about every expression you've so masterfully written here, MG. You've captured them spot on. But your last verse ...that's the one that washed the warm over me, and I whispered, right out loud at work, "Yeah, Grace!" :) ~ jh
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you've had a difficult life. In some strange way, it's nice to know I'm not alone with such thoughts. Soylent Green was ages ago but the room where one could go to die to favorite sounds, sights, scents really stuck with me. I thought it was beautiful back then and wish it were available now. Freedom to choose.
DeleteThere is a book in Sweden "The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared".. I hope with the love you have you will gain the want to live ... the most important thing when I talk to old people is that some still have curiosity.. you seem to have that... there are many places to visit and many songs to hear.
ReplyDeleteI have known that weariness
ReplyDeletepoignantly written.
ah... I just have 5 years to go
ReplyDeleteThis was very moving. I can't imagine the mentality of which you speak. But what I hope is that with the healing process comes a desire to explore that bucket list.
ReplyDelete