Saturday, January 25, 2014

dVerse: I Survived

dVerse: Poetics ~ Both Sides

i survived a government program
though often wish i hadn't
when i speak of my past
people don't believe
or think i'm a conspiracy theory nut
or just plain nuts

i think i must have survived for a reason
that used to be so i could be a therapist
to help others through
the horrifying journey called healing
but then my body fell apart
less than four years 
after earning my masters degree
and my body never healed
and i never got to say goodbye
to my clients
the ones i did or was helping

i used to write because i loved it
my integration last year
seems to have shifted that focus
dVerse and haiku
and some days that is difficult
i don't know why i lived
i don't think i am "living"
i'm here and don't know why

i wait for the days or weeks
every few years to "run away"
to a safe place far from here
wishing to stay there
but not having the means to do so
who am i and what am i doing here
the constant battle
even if healing is "winning"
it feels like i've lost all
just by being me


  1. at one point i thought i knew what my life was destined for...i was set on a course...and then everything changed...and for well over a year i drifted, upset/angry/confused as to what my life was...because it wasnt what i thought it was going to be...what i had sacrificed for it to be...i say that to let you know that maybe we dont always see our purpose but it doesnt mean we dont serve it and that it will become apparent over time...

    you cant change what happened either before or when you could not be a counselor/therapist...but you can now...smiles.

    keep telling your story.

    1. and hair has been like that for about 8-10 years....smiles.

  2. I think some days I write because I love it and some days I write because I have to. I hope eventually you find your purpose for being you.

  3. ... too bad running only allows all that stuff to follow

  4. I think I question my purpose nearly every morning (and is partly why I'm a late riser), but each day I find it's doing that has purpose and I have to hurl myself into the day.

  5. I'm glad you write - keep on writing.

  6. To loose it all, just by winning. These are strong words.. I think writing would heal - and I'm glad you do it... All the best

  7. Your line Maggie - 'I don't know why I lived', struck a chord in my heart. Most of us do not realise why we are here - what purpose we serve ~ but with every breath you have a purpose, I wish you well and you have not lost you ~ you are in the words you write.

  8. to a safe place far from here - We all that place of refuge, the safe haven from the turmoil of life. words are powerful and your poem is a testament to that source.

  9. I know you've been through a lot... you are an inspiration. Keep on keeping on!