A Piece of Peace

 

Image Source

quiet
empty
nothingness
once flooded with
trauma images,
memories,
nightmares,
horror upon horror
years of internal
unraveling

g  o  n               e


only the occasional
droplet of trauma
disconnected
for me to
see, examine, process

                                            over there

not right here attached
where i scream, cry,
try to hide

it's peaceful
and unsettling
do i fill it up with something else
or is peace and quiet good?

i feel strange
and so very tired
perhaps my brain needs to rest
recuperative sleep
worn out from constantly
being ON

and maybe when i've slept enough
the peace will feel peaceful

forever in a predominantly internal world
since i was five
no longer do i live inside my head
i'm outside of myself
with my puppy
always a subconscious reason 
even for joyful thinking

settling in
at the start of this year
with my calmer brain
waiting for the neurofeedback
to continue until
ability to focus returns
i miss writing

i was writing this in my head
with electrodes on my scalp
a place of near sleep
listening to whales and dolphins

am glad i remembered
enough to document
this next piece of being me