CD: Enough

Carpe Diem Special #109 ~ Francis of Assisi #4

Photo Source

a brush of your hand

is enough to light up my world

CD: Leezard*

Carpe Diem "Little Creatures #6 ~ Lizard

Photo by Brian Beam, 2005 Volastra, Cinque Terre, Italy

atop the mountain

breakfast overlooking sea

while lizard watches

~

silently watching

lizard on flower pot edge

bids us good morning

*The title refers to what we have called the lizard with our "Italian" accent.

CD: Cry from the Blue

Carpe Diem #566 ~ Crow

Photo by Grace Beam

crow high above

against bluest of skies

calls out to no one

CD: Change in the Air

Carpe Diem #562 ~ Hot Springs

smoky mist rises
heat off the back of autumn
reveals new clarity

CD: Peaceful Totem

Carpe Diem #558 ~ Dragonflies

Photo Source

dragonfly totem

through arduous life journey

its presence brings peace

dVerse: No to Death

dVerse: Poetics ~ Darkness to Light

stepping into free fall
of the abyss
my mind floats to peace
freedom
sparing the ones i love
from my burden
no more pain
for me

coming to in the ER
i see his face strained with
fear and tension
a look that still lingers
i've hurt him
not what i intended
i'd hoped to set him free too

multiple attempts at my own life
this year
each a worse method than before
the parts of me wanting me dead
i choose to outsmart them
by choosing my own way ~
the only control i feel i have

healing is traumatic
i wanted to die
each conflict feels like a hell
i shouldn't be alive to have to face it
yet the moments come
the aha moments that strike
like lightening
silence my being 
as i listen to the echoes of them
make connections throughout
my mind
the enormity of the message
driving me toward my demise

i fight/fought so hard to be safe in life
i was finding happiness in ways
i had not found before
at the height of the happiness
i'm swallowed up by death
because the message running through me
is "life is unsafe"
my loyal parts are trying to "save me" from life

my father's death triggered a message
designed for me to kill myself
it's conscious now
i can untwist the message
and all related meanings
i can be truly safe
understanding the double language

i'm glad to have survived
to gain this new essential insight
into what drove my being
i choose now to say no to death
to say yes to love
and happiness
he lost this war