Thursday, June 5, 2014

dVerse: Written Words to Live

dVerse: Meeting the Bar ~ When Words Fail

Polyvore by grace2244

my answers used to come
through collages
and internal discussion
the written word was not necessary

the first time i overdosed
following my perp father's death
was not me
it was one of me
it came undone with hypnosis
and collages
it never occurred to me
it would happen again

last month, two years later,
i overdosed at the same time
after believing i had fully healed
the anniversary of his death
set a suicidal part off 
and when pills didn't work
a second time
the images in my head
terrified me

i was fortunate to be admitted
fairly quickly into a
trauma treatment center
where i learned that written words
were needed to reach
the harm parts
the old way wasn't working
they taught me a new way

am feeling safe again
all unsafe parts are in healing
or transformed
i have the skills now 
to recognize much earlier
when i need to write my way
to reach the ones who might
overwhelm me with harm messages
or take over and end my life
no expert knows if/when it will happen again
so i must be prepared
regularly to ask inside

written words can save my life
writing, always a part of me,
yet never thought to try that 
to communicate
i feel armed
the pen is my sword
not to kill
but to heal

words must fall
upon the page
for me to live


  1. with this words get a whole new dimension... their healing and freeing power... their role as an armor to protect and to feel save... glad you found them maggie

  2. whew...i am sorry for what you went through recently...i am glad to hear though you came through it...and i am glad you got the help you need so that you can face the challenges the future brings...and writing your way out of it does not sound bad to me....

    1. yeah, it was scary. i just never had the need to journal to get answers before. that won't happen again. thanks for responding, brian. missed you.

  3. This really touched me. I am glad that you have found the words you need to help you and keep you safe---

  4. I hope that words continue to help keep you safe. Years ago after my momma had died, my doctor at that time , said to me at the end of the check-up, "If you think of ending your life, call me first." I was shocked! But later, I realized that I had contemplated going to bed and staying there, permanently. I never told anyone this before, but I have come a long way since then. Please take care. I miss you when you are not writing.

    1. nonnie, thank you so much for sharing such a personal story. and thank you for your support. we've both come a long way ♥

  5. I am so glad that words saved you. I lost my dad last summer and writing on my blog truly saved my sanity. I spent many days crying on my way to and from work - other commuters must have thought I was crazy, but I thought 'better out than in'. We have to let our feelings out, and sometimes, writing or talking is the only way. I hope you continue to be safe. You write so eloquently, so bravely and so honestly.

    1. Thank you for your heartfelt words and sharing, Freya.

  6. wow!!! Deep! and heart-felt. I'm so happy the your words saved you.

    Creativity and imagination is our best friends and our savior.

    Thank you for writing this powerful poem. :)

  7. the pen is my sword
    not to kill
    but to heal

    Never realise how potent is the unspoken words! Glad everything turned out right. Thanks for sharing Maggie!


  8. I'm so sorry about all of this in your life--been through OD's myself. Writing is a great way to get it out, keep the healing process going. God bless you.

  9. Wow. this is intense. Well written. I love the lines

    "the pen is my sword
    not to kill
    but to heal"

    Stay strong.

  10. Our subconscious mind remembers events, people, dates...and sometimes our own thoughts may catch us by surprise. Glad you are HERE, Maggie! May you find hope and healing as you continue to journal...thanks for sharing your words :)

  11. Oh I'm so glad you made it through.. Your pen sounds like the best way. I know you can use it well, and stay well.. Stay very well.


  12. For me, poetry assuages anger, talking avoids violence, and love really does conquer all.

    I am glad you are here.

  13. when I had pain that made me despair of life, poetry saved me. It was where the emotion could fit in over the dull narration. Poetry for me was the feelings I could never say.

    The honesty of your words is very beautiful