dVerse: Poetics ~ Shattering the World and Rebuilding It
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| Polyvore by Grace2244...Shattered But Hopeful |
i've dealt with parts of me
wanting to kill me before
for years it was a puzzle-like process
but no active attempt on my life
i had one close encounter in 2011
this year is testing my will
from every conceivable angle
an overdose in march
scissors too dull to cut my arm
sent me into a safe treatment facility
most don't understand dissociation
and having parts
and who would want to understand?
my healing has lead to miracles
last year in sedona
to wrestling myself for my life this year
two weeks undid the majority of the parts
(got them into healing)
though i thought i got it all.
soon after i got home
i discovered a straggler
and used my new skills to resolve
the part's hellbent goal to kill the body
so proud i was of my accomplishment
yet two days ago, i stumbled on a box cutter
in the drawer
someone else previously unknown
took over
thank goodness for dull blades in my home
while running it along my arm veins
i was screaming for help to my husband
it's tough to ask for help
when another part is fixated on death
i figured out who the part was
after my husband came to the rescue
calls to therapist and appointments made
the experts said they can never know
how many more times harm parts will surface
or how long this current "script" will be running
my internal world has shattered several times
and i've rebuilt each time
coming out a bit stronger
i thought i'd met my match two days ago
no one (or very few) understand this evil
that began when i was preverbal
and still impacts me today
decades later
i'm fighting
i'm trying
battling to stay alive
before my strength becomes less
than theirs
i believe in angels
there must be angels
i should be dead
doom and gloom in writing
yes...always
my world is mostly dark
but it's the light that makes it
worthwhile
Thank you for this prompt. Sorry if too graphic for some.
