Saturday, January 19, 2013

Introspection on Aloneness

I am posed with the question, "What would happen if you stopped busying yourself and were just alone with your thoughts?" I realize I multitask so as to be unable to completely focus on one thing fully. Why can't I just watch television without also playing a game? I know why when I ponder. It leaves me open to hearing my thoughts. When horror still leaks through, it's easy to want to not listen. But it also blocks internal conversation that would help me. It keeps me from moving next to my husband who also occupies his time dually while watching television. Are we avoiding being close? We like being close yet both have avoidance techniques. We talk. It's okay to not do anything except sit with each other and share something we enjoy...a movie or favorite show. I also have a silent fear of losing my mind if I just stop using it.

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